What is a fair way to handle different ages needing different rewards? 

Parenting Perspective 

Fairness in parenting is not about treating every child identically but about recognising and responding to their individual needs with wisdom. When it comes to rewards, this means tailoring motivation to suit different ages and developmental stages. 

Tailor Rewards to Developmental Stages 

Children at different ages naturally respond to different forms of encouragement. A younger child may feel cherished through stickers, small toys, or extra cuddle time, whereas an older child is more likely to value increased independence, choice, or trust. By customising rewards to align with these developmental needs, parents help their children feel deeply understood and supported, preventing frustration and resentment. This approach affirms that fairness is about providing what is most nurturing for each child’s growth. 

Establish a Clear Framework for Fairness 

The way you explain fairness has a powerful impact. If you make it clear that rewards are matched to effort and age-appropriateness rather than given identically, children can begin to understand the logic behind your decisions. For example, you might explain, ‘Your younger brother gets extra story time because that is special for him, while you are old enough to earn a later bedtime or the chance to choose a family activity.’ This communication prevents feelings of injustice and shows that every child is being treated thoughtfully. Establishing this language of fairness at home reduces sibling rivalry and builds mutual respect. 

Cultivate Perspective and Gratitude 

These moments also create valuable opportunities to teach a mature perspective. When children see that fairness means equity, not sameness, they learn to appreciate their own privileges without becoming envious of what their siblings receive. Gently reminding them that Allah Almighty provides for each person according to their unique needs helps to instil a lasting sense of gratitude. Over time, this mindset reduces comparison and strengthens their trust in your parental judgement. 

Spiritual Insight 

Islam champions the principle of justice in all relationships, and this is especially true within the family. Parents are tasked with applying this principle with both wisdom and mercy. 

Justice as a Divine Command 

Fairness must be adapted to each child’s individual needs while ensuring that no one feels neglected or less valued. This balanced approach reflects a core Islamic teaching. 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Nahal (16), Verses 90: 

‘Indeed, Allah (Almighty) orders you to promote justice and benevolence; and to be generous towards (positively developing) those that are within your jurisdiction…’ 

This verse reminds us that justice is not a rigid formula but a principle to be applied with compassion and excellence, particularly towards our closest family members. 

Prophetic Guidance Against Favouritism 

The prophetic teachings are clear about the seriousness of avoiding favouritism and the importance of maintaining a fair balance among children. 

It is recorded in Sunan Nisai, Hadith 3682, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘Do not ask me to bear witness when one of you gives a gift to one child and not to the others.’ 

This hadith underscores the need for impartiality. While rewards may differ by age or stage, true justice lies in ensuring that each child receives appropriate recognition and encouragement. By applying this principle with love, parents not only maintain harmony at home but also fulfil their sacred duty before Allah Almighty to act with fairness in all matters.