What is a fair response when a sibling repeats a hurtful nickname after warnings? 

Parenting Perspective 

It is a true test of a parent’s patience when one child deliberately hurts another, particularly after the behaviour has already been corrected. When a sibling continues to use a hurtful nickname even after being told to stop, the issue is no longer about forgetfulness; it is a matter of disrespect and a disregard for emotional boundaries. The objective now is not just to stop the name-calling, but to teach accountability, empathy, and self-control. A fair response must protect the hurt child, correct the offender, and reinforce the fundamental family value that love requires guarding one another’s dignity. 

Understanding the Deeper Issue 

Repeatedly using a hurtful nickname is not simply teasing; it is a form of emotional power play. The child has discovered that this particular name provokes a reaction and now uses it to feel a sense of control. Responding with anger often fuels this cycle. A wiser approach involves a calm and consistent follow-through that makes disrespect both emotionally and practically unrewarding. 

Intervening Immediately and Calmly 

When the nickname is used again, you must act at once, not with anger, but with clear authority. A steady and serious tone is most effective. 

You can say, ‘We have already discussed this. Using that name hurts your sibling, and it is not acceptable in our home.’ Children quickly learn that calm firmness carries more weight than loud frustration. Your goal is to demonstrate that kindness is a non-negotiable family principle. 

Applying Clear and Logical Consequences 

After multiple warnings have been ignored, applying a logical consequence is both fair and effective. This should relate to the harm caused, rather than being a random punishment. Examples include: 

• Loss of a privilege: ‘You have chosen to use that name again, so you will lose your screen time for tonight. You can earn it back by showing kindness.’ 

• A restorative action: ‘Because your words caused hurt, you need to do something helpful for your sibling today. You can choose what that is.’ 

This approach teaches that hurtful words create a need for repair, just as making a mess requires cleaning it up. 

A Private Conversation About Accountability 

Later, when emotions have settled, sit with the child who did the teasing. Ask calm, guiding questions to encourage reflection: 

• ‘What was the reason you said it again?’ 

• ‘What do you think happens inside your sibling when they hear that word?’ 

• ‘What can you do now to rebuild their trust?’ 

Help them connect their behaviour to the feeling of empathy. Reinforce that apologies are not just words, but actions that show change. Acknowledge and praise their progress when they do better, as positive reinforcement builds genuine transformation. 

Supporting the Child Who Was Hurt 

The sibling who was targeted needs their feelings to be validated. Reassure them by saying, ‘You were right to feel upset. It is never okay for someone to call you a hurtful name.’ 

Encourage them to respond assertively, not aggressively, if it happens again. They can say, ‘I do not like that name. Please stop.’ This helps them feel empowered to protect their own dignity without escalating the conflict. 

Modelling Respectful Communication 

Children mirror the tone and behaviour of their parents. If you make jokes at your children’s expense, use nicknames harshly, or mock one another in moments of frustration, your children will learn that this is acceptable. You must model the respect you wish to see through calm speech, firm correction, and swift apologies when you are in the wrong. Over time, your consistency becomes the family’s emotional standard. 

A fair response does not require harshness; it requires empathetic follow-through. Discipline delivered with calm justice, rather than anger, teaches a respect that lasts. 

Spiritual Insight 

In Islam, words possess immense power. They can be a source of healing or a cause of pain; they can honour or humiliate. Teaching children that their speech carries moral responsibility is one of the most profound lessons a parent can impart. When a sibling persists in mocking another despite reminders, the issue transcends mere manners and touches upon akhlaq, or one’s fundamental moral character. 

The Weight of Words in the Quran 

Every word we utter has significance and will be accounted for. This divine truth serves as a powerful reminder for children to be mindful of their speech. 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Qaaf (50), Verse 18: 

‘(Man) is unable to utter a single word, without him being closely observed (and all actions being recorded), who is always present.’ 

By holding a child accountable for their hurtful speech, you are teaching them an awareness of this reality. You are showing them that words are a reflection of the heart and that we are all answerable to Allah Almighty for what we say. 

The Prophet’s ﷺ Guidance on Hurting Others 

The character of a believer is defined by gentle and controlled speech, not by taunting or foul language. This is a standard that parents can use to guide their children’s interactions. 

It is recorded in Riyadh Al Saliheen, Hadith 1734, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘A believer is not one who taunts, curses, speaks indecently, or is foul-mouthed.’ 

This hadith captures the spiritual seriousness of repeated mockery. It reframes teasing not as a sign of strength, but as a moral weakness. By reminding a child that believers are recognised by the purity of their speech, parents can show that controlling one’s tongue is a powerful act of faith. 

When one sibling repeats a hurtful nickname, your response should balance compassion with justice. By stepping in firmly, applying fair consequences, and encouraging repair, you teach both children the essence of accountability. The child who was teasing learns that their words have consequences, while the one who was teased learns that their dignity is worth protecting. 

As peace is restored, your home begins to reflect the deeper goal of Islamic parenting. It becomes a place where character is nurtured, where words are used to lift rather than wound, and where kindness becomes the enduring language of the family.