What is a calm way to reinforce effort, not just outcomes? 

Parenting Perspective 

Children often seek recognition only when they ‘win’ or achieve a perfect result. If parents also focus solely on outcomes, a child can feel discouraged when they struggle or fail. A calm and steady focus on their effort, however, teaches them that persistence and a positive attitude are what truly matter. This approach builds resilience and motivation, rather than a fear of failure. 

Highlight the Process 

Make a point of noticing and commenting on the specific behaviours that constitute effort. For example: ‘I saw how you kept trying with that puzzle even when it was tricky,’ or ‘You worked hard to finish your homework, even though it took a long time.’ This shifts the focus from the final result to the valuable process of perseverance. 

Stay Calm and Consistent 

Deliver your praise for their effort in a steady and gentle tone. It is important to avoid showing exaggerated excitement only when the outcome is successful. Your calm and consistent recognition shows your child that their effort is always valuable, not just in the moments of great achievement. 

Link Effort to Growth 

Help your child to understand that their effort is what leads to improvement over time. You can remind them by saying, ‘Every time you practise your reading, you get a little bit stronger at it.’ This helps them to connect the act of persisting with the feeling of progress, which is a powerful motivator. 

Spiritual Insight 

Islam places great honour on both the effort and the intention behind an action, alongside the final outcome. What matters most to Allah is our sincerity and our striving, even if the results are not perfect. Parents can reflect this divine principle by encouraging their children’s efforts with calm fairness. 

The Value of Striving 

The Quran teaches that the effort a person makes towards goodness is in itself a deed that carries immense weight and value with Allah. 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Najam (53), Verses 39: 

‘ And they shall be nothing (to account) for mankind except what he has undertaken.‘ 

The Importance of Intention 

The prophetic tradition establishes intention as the central pillar for the acceptance and reward of any deed, placing the inner state of a person above the outward result. 

It is recorded in Sahih Bukhari, Hadith 1, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘The reward of deeds depends upon the intentions, and every person will get the reward according to what he intended.’ 

By calmly reinforcing effort, you are nurturing resilience, sincerity, and a growth mindset in your child. They learn that true success lies in striving with the right intention, which is a principle that builds both their character and their faith.