What is a calm step when my child hides undone chores? 

Parenting Perspective 

Discovering that your child has hidden their undone chores (perhaps pushing laundry under the bed or assuring you a task is done when it is not) can feel both frustrating and disappointing. Yet before reacting, it is important to see beneath the surface. This behaviour often stems not from defiance but from fear (fear of disapproval, pressure, or confrontation). A calm, structured response teaches honesty, accountability, and confidence in doing things properly, without shame or deception. 

Understanding Why Children Hide Mistakes 

When a child hides unfinished work, it is usually to avoid the uncomfortable feelings that come with being corrected. Some children equate mistakes with failure, believing they will lose your approval. Hiding becomes a quick escape from the discomfort of responsibility. 

The first step, therefore, is empathy. Instead of jumping straight to reprimand, start by recognising what drove the behaviour: ‘It looks like you did not finish putting your clothes away and tried to hide it. Were you worried I would be upset?’ By naming the feeling, not just the action, you show your child that honesty is safe. This paves the way for growth instead of guilt. 

Calmly Uncover, Do Not Confront 

Avoid words like ‘You lied!’ or ‘You always hide things!’ These labels attack character rather than address behaviour. A calm tone works far better: ‘I see the job is not finished yet. Let us sort it out together and then talk about what happened.’ 

This approach removes shame while keeping accountability intact. Your calm reaction models what emotional regulation looks like in the face of disappointment. 

Teaching That Truthfulness Is Safer Than Perfection 

Make it clear that mistakes are acceptable; dishonesty is not. You can say: ‘I do not expect perfection, but I do expect honesty. When you tell me the truth, I can help you fix things.’ This teaches your child that honesty brings support, while hiding creates more difficulty. Over time, they will begin to associate truthfulness with security, not fear. 

Turning the Moment into a Learning Experience 

Once the chore is complete, discuss the real issue gently: ‘What made it hard to finish the job properly?’ ‘What could help you remember next time?’ You might discover that the task felt too big or unclear. Break it into smaller, achievable parts (for instance, “fold the towels first, then put them away”). Children are less likely to hide work when the task feels manageable and success feels reachable. 

Modelling Responsibility and Praise 

Children learn accountability from what they see. When you acknowledge your own small lapses (e.g., ‘I forgot to do that earlier, but I shall finish it now’), you normalise imperfection and model integrity. 

Create gentle end of day check ins that promote reflection rather than inspection: ‘Let us both look around and see what still needs finishing.’ This shared rhythm builds responsibility without micromanagement. When your child completes a task fully and truthfully, recognise it sincerely: ‘I like how you finished and showed me honestly. That shows real maturity.’ Such encouragement reinforces honesty as a source of pride. 

Spiritual Insight 

In Islam, honesty (sidq) is not only a moral value but the foundation of trust and faith. Guiding your child to admit unfinished work truthfully nurtures their spiritual conscience, helping them understand that truth brings peace, while concealment burdens the heart. 

Truthfulness as Strength in the Noble Quran 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Ahzaab (33), Verse 70: 

‘O those of you, who are believers, seek piety from Allah (Almighty) and always speak with words of blatant accuracy.’ 

This reminds us that honesty is not about being fearless, but about being mindful of Allah Almighty. When your child learns to tell the truth even when it is uncomfortable, they are practising this Qur’anic command (speaking justly and sincerely). 

The Blessing of Honesty in the Teachings of the Holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ 

It is recorded in Jami Tirmidhi, Hadith 1971, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘Truthfulness leads to righteousness, and righteousness leads to Paradise; a man continues to speak the truth until he is recorded with Allah as a truthful one.’ 

This Hadith shows that truth is a habit that shapes destiny. Teaching your child to admit when something is left undone (even a small chore) is teaching them to walk the path of righteousness, where honesty outweighs perfection. 

When you stay calm in the face of hidden mistakes, you turn what could be a moment of shame into a lesson in strength. Your reaction teaches your child that honesty builds trust faster than flawless performance ever could. Over time, they will learn that chores, and indeed all responsibilities, are not about pleasing others, but about integrity before Allah Almighty. When they feel safe enough to say, ‘I did not finish,’ and strong enough to make it right, they are already practising both courage and faith. And in that calm routine of truth, effort, and forgiveness, you are raising not just a responsible child, but a sincere, self aware believer who values honesty as the truest form of success.