What if they feel pressured to copy to belong? 

Parenting Perspective 

It is a very common and natural desire for children to want to fit in and be accepted by their peers, which often leads to them feeling pressured to copy others. They may imitate friends at school, siblings at home, or characters on television simply because belonging feels vitally important to them. The challenge for parents is to help their child understand that it is possible to belong without having to imitate harmful or negative behaviours. 

Acknowledging Their Feelings and the Desire to Belong 

Begin by acknowledging the reality and difficulty of their struggle. This simple act of validation makes them feel heard and understood, rather than judged. 

• ‘I understand that you really want to fit in with your friends. That is a normal feeling.’ 

• ‘It must feel very hard to say no when it seems like everyone else is doing it.’ 

Teaching the Value of True Friendship 

Explain the difference between real and superficial friendship in simple terms. This helps them to distinguish between the warmth of genuine belonging and the discomfort of harmful peer pressure. 

• ‘True friends will not ask you to do something wrong or unsafe just to be part of their group.’ 

• ‘Friends who really care about you will like you for who you are, not for what you are willing to copy.’ 

Offering Safer Ways to Join In 

Guide them towards alternative actions that still allow them to participate and feel connected. This equips them with practical tools to resist negative pressure without feeling completely excluded from the group. 

• If other children are playing too roughly, suggest they join in but use gentler, safer moves. 

• If a group is telling unkind jokes, encourage them to add a silly or clever joke to change the tone. 

• Teach them simple but confident phrases like, ‘No thanks, I am going to play this way instead.’ 

Practising How to Handle Peer Pressure 

Practising these scenarios at home in a safe environment is the best way to prepare them for a real-life situation. The more they rehearse, the more confident and natural their response will feel when the pressure is real. 

• You can pretend to be a friend who is encouraging them to copy a negative action. 

• Let them practise saying no in a calm but firm voice. 

• Praise them enthusiastically for their courage in resisting the pretend pressure. 

Celebrating Their Courage and Independence 

Whenever you learn that your child successfully resisted copying a negative behaviour, make it a point of celebration. By affirming their courage, you actively strengthen their independence and build their self-esteem. 

• ‘That took a lot of bravery to choose your own way. I am so proud of you.’ 

• ‘You did not let the pressure change who you are, and that is a sign of a very strong character.’ 

Spiritual Insight 

Islam provides a clear moral compass, guiding believers to base their sense of belonging on shared goodness and piety, not on blind conformity. 

Guidance from the Quran 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Maaidah (5), Verses 2: 

‘…And participate with each other to promote righteousness and piety, and do not collaborate in the committal of any sin or moral transgression…’ 

This verse provides a clear principle for social interaction: our cooperation and sense of belonging should be based on righteousness and piety, not on sin and aggression. Sharing this principle with your child teaches them that true, meaningful togetherness is found in doing good, not in copying wrong actions to fit in. 

Guidance from the Hadith 

It is recorded in Jami Tirmidhi, Hadith 2007, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘Do not be a blind follower, saying: If the people are good, we will be good, and if they are unjust, we will be unjust. Rather, discipline yourselves: if the people are good, be good; and if they do evil, do not do wrong.’ 

This profound hadith serves as a clear and direct warning against blindly following the crowd. Teaching this to your child helps them to understand that true strength and honour are found in standing firm on one’s principles, even in the face of social pressure. By guiding your child with empathy, practical strategies, and deep spiritual wisdom, you can help them learn a life-changing truth: they do not need to copy negative behaviour to belong. Their true worth and strength come from making choices that are safe, kind, and pleasing to Allah.