Parenting Perspective 

One of the most difficult lessons for a child to learn is that an apology does not always guarantee immediate forgiveness. The other person may still feel hurt or simply need more time to process their feelings. Guiding your child through this experience with grace is an opportunity to teach them patience, resilience, and respect for the emotions of others. 

Responsibility Versus Control 

Explain to your child that when they apologise, they are fulfilling their responsibility to make things right. However, they cannot control how or when the other person chooses to forgive. This distinction helps them to separate their personal responsibility from the other person’s reaction. 

Respecting the Other Person’s Feelings 

You should guide your child to respond with kindness, even if their apology is not accepted. Encourage them to say something like, ‘I understand you are still upset. I will try to do better.’ This response shows empathy and maturity, while also respecting the other person’s need for space. 

Showing Sincerity Through Actions 

Remind your child that actions can often be more powerful than words. Encourage them to demonstrate their sincerity through their behaviour by being gentle, patient, or helpful in the following days. Consistent positive actions build trust over time, even if forgiveness is slow to come. 

Acknowledging the Effort 

It is important to acknowledge their courage by saying, ‘I am proud of you for apologising, even though it was difficult. That shows good character.’ By focusing on the sincerity of the effort, rather than the outcome, you can prevent your child from feeling discouraged. 

By teaching your child that an apology is an act of humility, not a guarantee of a particular outcome, you equip them to handle disappointment gracefully and without sacrificing their own kindness. 

Spiritual Insight 

Islam teaches that while believers must take full responsibility for their actions, they cannot compel others to forgive. The elements that truly matter are the sincerity of the apology, the effort to make amends, and the trust that the outcome rests with Allah Almighty. 

Quranic Guidance on Accountability 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al An’aam (6), Verse 164: 

‘…And no one shall become the bearer of any responsibility, in (carrying) the burden of others; then your ultimate return is to your Sustainer, then He (Allah Almighty) will inform you, about all the matters in which you were divergent (from the infinite truth).’ 

This verse reminds us that each soul is accountable for its own deeds. By offering a sincere apology, one fulfils a personal duty, and the acceptance of that apology is a separate matter. 

Prophetic Wisdom on Reconciliation 

It is recorded in Sahih Bukhari, 6237, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘It is not lawful for a Muslim to forsake his brother for more than three days, and the better of the two is the one who begins with the greeting of peace.’ 

This hadith teaches that a believer is encouraged to take the first step towards reconciliation. The responsibility is to initiate peace, while the acceptance of that peace offering lies with the other party. 

By showing your child that their role is to apologise sincerely, respect the other person’s feelings, and commit to better behaviour, you ground their actions in fundamental Islamic values. They learn that while forgiveness from others may take time, the virtues of humility, patience, and sincerity are always seen and rewarded by Allah Almighty.