What if the friend says they need space? How does my child respond? 

Parenting Perspective 

It can feel crushing for a child to gather their courage, offer an apology, and then hear the words, ‘I need space.’ It is important to help them understand that this is not necessarily a rejection, but rather the other person protecting their own feelings. The lesson here is that a true repair is about what we can control: our honesty, our apology, and our consistent respect. Forgiveness and closeness often take time. 

Teach a Calm and Respectful Response 

Coach your child to reply with a short, simple, and respectful line that honours the other person’s boundary. 

• ‘I understand. I will give you the space you need.’ 

• ‘I am sorry again for what happened. I will step back for now.’ 

There should be no persuasion and no over-apologising. A simple, accepting response shows maturity and prevents the friend from feeling pressured or overwhelmed. 

Offer Dignity Through Small, Consistent Gestures 

Needing space does not mean your child has to vanish completely from the friend’s life. They can show respect and keep the door open for future connection through small, consistent actions. 

• Continue to greet the friend politely with a quiet ‘Assalamu Alaikum’ or a simple smile in passing. 

• Avoid talking about the friend or the situation to other people. 

• Demonstrate consistent good conduct whenever they are in the same group settings. 

These quiet actions keep the door to the friendship open without forcing closeness. 

Arrange a Gentle Follow-Up Window 

Coach your child to wait a reasonable amount of time before trying to connect again. 

‘Since they have asked for space, you can check in with a simple message after a week or two. You could say something like, “I hope you are doing okay. I am here if you would ever like to talk.”’ 

This avoids a cycle of constant chasing while still showing steady goodwill. 

Shifting Guilt into Growth 

Remind your child that while regret is a healthy emotion, self-punishment is not a form of repair. Help them to focus on prevention and growth instead. For example, the next time they feel overwhelmed in a friendship, they can say, ‘I need a little break,’ instead of simply disappearing. Role-playing this phrase at home can give them the language they need for the future. 

End your conversation by reinforcing their sense of belonging: ‘You are loved here. In our family, we respect other people’s boundaries, we repair what we can, and we continue to treat people well, even while we wait.’ 

Spiritual Insight 

Respecting Others’ Timing Is a Part of Wisdom 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Hujuraat (49), Verse 10: 

‘Indeed, the believers are brothers (to each other); so, make peace with your brothers; and seek piety from Allah (Almighty) so that you may receive His Mercy.’ 

This verse reminds us that while unity is the ultimate goal, reconciliation often requires wisdom and careful timing. Sometimes, the other person’s heart simply needs time to heal. Waiting respectfully is, in itself, a part of the settlement process. Encourage your child to keep their intentions pure: they have apologised, they have stepped back, and they can now leave the matter in Allah Almighty’s hands. 

Real Strength Lies in Patience and Self-Control 

It is recorded in Sunan Ibn Majah, Hadith 4032, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘The believer who mixes with people and bears their harm with patience is better than the one who does not mix with them and does not bear their harm.’ 

This hadith teaches that showing patience in relationships, even when others are upset with us, is a mark of stronger faith. Guide your child to practise patience (sabr) by maintaining their politeness, avoiding gossip, and demonstrating consistently good character while they wait. A short prayer for forgiveness (istighfar) and a quiet prayer, such as, ‘O Allah, please soften both our hearts and guide us to what is best,’ will help to keep their efforts sincere.