What if siblings “apologise” but keep revisiting the fight? 

Parenting Perspective 

When siblings offer an apology but continue to bring up the same fight later on, it usually means their apology was only superficial. The underlying hurt or anger has not been fully resolved, so they use the past conflict as a way to reassert themselves. The goal is to guide them towards genuine closure by teaching them that a real apology means moving forward, not keeping the conflict alive. 

Explain That Apology Means Moving Forward 

Explain to your children, ‘When you say sorry and the other person accepts it, that means the issue is finished. If you bring it up again, you are starting the fight all over again.’ This helps them to see that an apology is a promise to let go, not just a collection of words. 

Emphasise Respect for the Reconciliation 

Point out that constantly repeating old arguments can be hurtful in itself. You could say, ‘When your brother forgave you, that was a kind and difficult step for him to take. Bringing it up again takes away the peace you both worked to create.’ This reinforces the importance of empathy and mutual respect. 

Replace Negative Patterns with Positive Actions 

After an apology has been made, guide your children towards doing something kind and cooperative together. This could be playing a game, working together on a small task, or even just sharing a snack. Creating new, positive experiences helps to overwrite the negative ones and reduces the urge to reopen old wounds. 

Model the Act of Letting Go 

If you forgive your child for something, make a point of not mentioning it again in a negative way. You can reinforce this by saying, ‘I have forgiven you for that, so I will not bring it up again.’ This shows them how closure is practised in real life. 

By clearly linking the act of apology with the principle of closure, you teach your children that peace is not just about saying ‘sorry’, but about actively protecting the relationship afterwards. 

Spiritual Insight 

Islam teaches that when forgiveness is granted, it should be a sincere and complete act. Constantly revisiting a past hurt after offering or accepting forgiveness goes against the spirit of mercy and prevents the heart from finding true peace. 

Quranic Guidance on Complete Forgiveness 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Taghaabun (64), Verse 14: 

‘…But if you pardon and overlook (their faults) and forgive (them); then indeed, Allah (Almighty) is Forgiving and Merciful.’ 

This verse reminds us that true forgiveness includes the act of ‘overlooking’ the fault, which ensures that the matter does not resurface and allows the heart to be cleansed of resentment. 

Prophetic Wisdom on Prioritising Peace 

It is recorded in Sunan Abu Dawood, Hadith 4911, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘It is not permissible for a believer to keep apart from his brother for more than three days, each turning away when they meet. The better of the two is the one who initiates peace.’ 

This hadith teaches us that lingering in conflict and reopening old disputes is discouraged in Islam, and that reconciliation should always be the priority. 

By connecting the act of forgiveness to the Islamic values of mercy and peace, you help your children to see that a true apology is more than just words; it is a commitment to leave the conflict in the past. They learn that in Islam, moving forward with kindness is what brings true honour and harmony to family bonds.