What if one child always plays the victim in conflicts? 

Parenting Perspective 

See Beyond the Words 

When a child constantly says, “It is not my fault,” or, “They always blame me,” it can be incredibly frustrating, especially if you know they contributed to the conflict. Before you label them as dramatic or manipulative, you should ask yourself what this behaviour is protecting. 

Playing the victim can be a form of self-protection. It may stem from low self-esteem, a fear of getting into trouble, or a deeper need for validation. You should respond with curiosity rather than condemnation. Try saying, “It sounds like you feel misunderstood. But let us also look at what happened and what you could have done differently.” This approach gently opens the door to self-reflection without triggering shame. 

Teach Ownership Without Humiliation 

You must make your home a place where taking responsibility feels safe, not shameful. If your child fears being “the bad one,” they will avoid accountability at all costs. Instead of immediately looking for fault, you can say, “Every situation has more than one part. Let us look at yours not to blame, but to grow.” 

You should coach them to reflect on their role with phrases like: 

• What were you hoping for? 

• How did you respond? 

• What could you try next time? 

After the moment has passed, you should reconnect with them with warmth. For example, you can say, “I know that was hard. I am proud of you for thinking it through.” This helps to break the cycle of defensiveness and slowly builds emotional maturity. 

Spiritual Insight 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Zumar (39), Verse 53: 

‘Say (O Prophet Muhammad ﷺ): “O my servants, those of you who have transgressed against yourselves (by committing sin); do not lose hope in the mercy of Allah (Almighty); indeed, Allah (Almighty) shall forgive the entirety of your sins…”.’ 

This verse reminds us that growth and change come from hope, not harshness. Even when we are wrong, we are still worthy of love and forgiveness. 

It is recorded in Sunan Ibn Majah, Hadith 4251, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘Every son of Adam sins, and the best of those who sin are those who repent.’ 

This teaches us that making mistakes is natural, but the strength lies in admitting them and striving to do better. By helping your child move from victimhood to responsibility, you are not just correcting a behaviour; you are guiding them towards humility, resilience, and the beautiful act of owning their mistakes with grace.