What if my child lies to earn a reward or avoid losing it? 

Parenting Perspective 

When a child begins lying in relation to rewards, it often signals that the system has become too high stakes. Their fear of losing a privilege, or their eagerness to secure one, may start to outweigh the value of honesty. To address this, it is important to reduce the pressure and reframe the purpose of the reward system. Make it clear that truthfulness is valued far more than the task itself. For instance, if a child admits they did not complete their homework, thank them for their honesty before discussing the natural consequences of incomplete work. This teaches that honesty itself is never punished, even if their effort falls short. 

Emphasise Integrity Over Outcome 

Tell your child, ‘It matters more to me that you tell the truth than whether the chart is filled today’. This approach separates the virtue of honesty from the fear of failure and creates a safe environment for admitting mistakes. 

Use Rewards as Tools, Not Threats 

Adjust the system so that rewards function as encouragements, not bribes. Offer small, relational rewards such as quality time together, words of affirmation, or special privileges, ensuring they are given for genuine effort, not for manipulated results. Gradually guide your child away from relying on external tokens and towards a sense of internal pride by praising their honesty, effort, and accountability. Over time, they will learn that lying undermines trust, which is far more valuable than any material gain. 

Spiritual Insight 

Truthfulness is a cornerstone of the Islamic character, while lying is considered among the gravest of sins. 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Tawbah (9), Verse 119: 

‘O you who are believers, seek piety from Allah (Almighty) and (always) be in the company of the truthful (people).’ 

This verse elevates honesty to a defining marker of faith. Parents must therefore create an environment that rewards truth and never encourages dishonesty through fear. 

It is recorded in Sahih Bukhari, Hadith 6094, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘Truthfulness leads to righteousness, and righteousness leads to Paradise. A man keeps on telling the truth until he becomes a truthful person. Falsehood leads to wickedness, and wickedness leads to the Fire…’ 

This hadith powerfully illustrates how the habits of truth and falsehood ultimately shape a person’s destiny. By teaching children that honesty itself is the greatest reward, parents align their family’s upbringing with foundational Islamic values. A child who learns that trust is more precious than any treat or privilege will carry that integrity as a lifelong strength.