Parenting Perspective 

Some children rush to forgive, not because they are genuinely ready, but because they are afraid of tension, rejection, or further conflict. While this might appear to be a sign of maturity, it often conceals suppressed feelings that can resurface later as resentment or insecurity. The goal is to teach your child that while forgiveness is valuable, it must be sincere and never forced by fear. 

Encourage Recognition of True Feelings 

Gently explain to your child, ‘It is a kind thing to forgive, but it is also okay to feel upset first. You do not need to forgive someone straight away if your heart is not ready.’ This shows them that forgiveness is a choice, not simply a way to avoid uncomfortable feelings. 

Fostering Healthy Boundaries 

Guide your child by providing them with phrases such as, ‘I am still upset, but I will try to forgive you soon.’ This helps them to practise emotional honesty while still moving towards reconciliation, teaching them that forgiveness is stronger when it is genuine. 

Model a Balanced Approach to Forgiveness 

When you forgive someone, be sure to model both your hurt and your release. You could say, ‘That was very difficult for me, but I am choosing to forgive because our peace matters more.’ This demonstrates a healthy and realistic process of forgiveness that is not rushed. 

Frame Forgiveness as an Act of Peace 

It is important to tell your child, ‘Forgiveness should make your heart feel lighter, not more worried. If you feel scared, we need to talk about it first.’ This reframes forgiveness as a healing act, not a coping mechanism driven by anxiety. 

By helping your child to slow down and find sincerity in their heart, you teach them that forgiveness should come from a place of strength and peace, not fear. 

Spiritual Insight 

Islam teaches that forgiveness is a noble act, but only when it is done with sincerity and not under any form of pressure. Forgiving someone out of fear might avoid a conflict temporarily, but real forgiveness must come from the heart and be a choice made for the sake of Allah Almighty. 

Quranic Guidance on Genuine Forgiveness 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Aalai Imran (3), Verse 134: 

‘…They suppress their anger; and are forgiving to people; and Allah (Almighty) loves those who are benevolent.’ 

This verse reminds us that forgiveness is most beloved to Allah Almighty when it is a genuine act of goodness, not when it is rushed or performed out of fear. 

Prophetic Wisdom on Virtuous Forgiveness 

It is recorded in Al Adab Al Mufrad, Hadith 65, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘The most virtuous behaviour is to maintain ties with one who cuts you off, to give to one who withholds from you, and to forgive one who wrongs you.’ 

This hadith teaches us that sincere forgiveness, especially when it is difficult, is a mark of the very highest character. 

By linking the act of forgiveness to sincerity rather than fear, you guide your child to see that its purpose is to strengthen their heart and their relationships. They learn that forgiveness should never be rushed for the sake of comfort, but should instead be chosen with courage, honesty, and faith in Allah Almighty.