What if my child copies hitting or pushing from another child? 

Parenting Perspective 

It can be both alarming and disheartening to see your child copy aggressive actions like hitting or pushing. Concerns might arise that your child is becoming ‘naughty’ or that you are somehow failing as a parent. It is important to remember that children are natural imitators; they learn a great deal by observing others, which sometimes includes undesirable behaviours. The crucial factor, however, is your response. 

Understanding Imitative Behaviour 

Young children, in particular, lack the emotional maturity to distinguish between acceptable and unacceptable behaviours. When they witness another child push or hit, they might copy the action without malicious intent, simply to test boundaries and reactions. This is not a reflection of an inherently aggressive nature. 

A Calm and Immediate Response 

When your child hits or pushes, it is vital to address the behaviour immediately but without harshness. 

• Lower yourself to their eye level and state calmly but firmly, ‘We do not hit. Hitting hurts.’ 

• Redirect their hands towards a positive action, such as, ‘Use your gentle hands to pat your friend’s shoulder.’ 

• If another child was hurt, guide them to show concern: ‘Let us see if your friend is okay.’ 

This approach teaches your child not only what is wrong but also provides a positive alternative. 

Modelling Positive Conduct 

Children are most influenced by the consistent behaviour of the adults around them. You can show them peaceful ways to resolve problems through your own actions. 

• If you feel frustrated, you can say, ‘I am feeling upset, so I will take a deep breath.’ 

• When you need their attention, touch them gently on the arm instead of raising your voice. 

These practical examples leave a far more lasting impression than lectures do. 

Teaching Healthy Alternatives 

Equip your child with alternative strategies so they have other options to turn to when feeling overwhelmed. 

• Encourage the use of firm words like, ‘Stop’ or ‘I do not like that.’ 

• Offer physical outlets for frustration, such as clapping, stomping their feet, or hugging a cushion. 

• Practise role-playing different scenarios at home to demonstrate calm and appropriate responses. 

If your child repeats the behaviour despite these reminders, remain consistent. Repetition is essential for the lesson to be fully absorbed. Offer praise for even small improvements, for example, ‘I saw you used your words instead of pushing. Well done!’ It is important to avoid shaming language like ‘You are bad,’ and instead focus on the behaviour, not on the child’s character. Ultimately, this phase is a normal part of social learning. Your guidance will shape their long-term habits more than the actions of other children. 

Spiritual Insight 

From an Islamic perspective, parents are divinely entrusted with the duty of teaching their children mercy, kindness and self-control. These virtues are most effectively instilled through calm correction and consistent role modelling. 

Patience in Parenting 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Aalai Imran (3), Verses 134: 

‘…They suppress their anger; and are forgiving to people…’ 

This verse serves as a reminder that managing anger and showing forgiveness are signs of true strength and virtue. When you calmly redirect your child instead of reacting with anger, you are putting the essence of this verse into practice. 

Mercy Before Authority 

It is recorded in Riyadh Al Saliheen, Hadith 355, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘He is not of us who does not show mercy to our young ones and honour to our elders.’ 

This hadith teaches us that showing mercy to the young is a fundamental component of our faith. Correcting a child’s harmful action should never be devoid of compassion. Instead, mercy is the principle that guides them towards making better choices. 

By consistently demonstrating that aggression should be replaced with gentleness, you help to cultivate the qualities of mercy and self-restraint in your child. Over time, these will become part of their moral character, preparing them to interact with others in a way that is pleasing to Allah Almighty. Every time you calmly address such behaviour, you are not only protecting another child but also shaping your own child’s soul with invaluable Islamic values. This balanced approach, combining firmness with mercy, is what truly nurtures a child’s emotional wellbeing and spiritual development.