Parenting Perspective 

When a child argues instead of apologising, it often indicates a struggle with pride, embarrassment, or an inability to see another person’s point of view. The key is to avoid escalating the situation into a power struggle and instead teach the child how to move from a defensive stance to one of responsibility. 

Understanding the Cause of Argumentation 

Argumentation is often a defence mechanism. Your child might feel accused, misunderstood, or simply too ashamed to admit they were wrong. Understanding this helps you to remain calm rather than reacting with frustration. 

Shifting from Defence to Reflection 

Instead of engaging in a debate, gently guide them towards reflection. You might say, ‘I understand what you are saying, but let us think for a moment about how your actions made your brother feel.’ This approach shifts the focus from blame towards empathy. 

Establishing Clear Boundaries 

It is vital to make it clear that arguing does not remove responsibility. A useful phrase is, ‘We can talk about what happened, but we still need to find a way to repair the hurt.’ This teaches your child that while discussion is welcome, it is not a substitute for accountability. 

Modelling Constructive Disagreement 

Show your child that disagreement and humility can coexist. If you find yourself in a disagreement with your spouse or another family member, model how to acknowledge your own part in it. For example, you could say, ‘I still see things differently, but I was wrong to raise my voice.’ This demonstrates that it is possible to explain one’s feelings while still taking responsibility and apologising for your own actions. 

By handling arguments calmly and consistently redirecting your child towards reflection, you help them understand that accountability is not about winning a dispute, but about mending relationships. 

Spiritual Insight 

In the Islamic tradition, pride and defensiveness are seen as significant barriers to humility and reconciliation. A believer is encouraged to soften their heart, admit their faults, and actively seek peace rather than becoming entrenched in arguments. 

Quranic Guidance on Avoiding Disputes 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Anfaal (8), Verse 46: 

‘And obey Allah (Almighty) and His Prophet (Muhammad ﷺ), and do not dispute (with each other) as it may weaken (your ranks), and would reduce your strength…’ 

This verse serves as a powerful reminder that persistent disputes weaken unity, drain spiritual strength, and hinder peaceful resolution. 

Prophetic Wisdom on Abandoning Arguments 

It is recorded in Sunan Abu Dawood, 4800, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘I guarantee a house in Paradise for the one who gives up arguing even if he is right, a house in the middle of Paradise for the one who abandons lying even when joking, and a house in the highest part of Paradise for the one who has good manners.’ 

This profound hadith teaches us that abandoning argument is a mark of excellent character and a path to earning an immense reward from Allah Almighty. 

By connecting the act of apology to the virtue of humility and showing the great Islamic value placed on avoiding disputes, you help your child see that true strength lies in softening their stance. They learn that seeking resolution through kindness brings honour, while clinging to an argument only serves to weaken trust and damage relationships.