What if losing makes my child avoid playing altogether? 

Parenting Perspective 

When a child begins to avoid games altogether because they fear losing, it is often a signal that the emotional weight of disappointment has become too heavy for them to carry. Instead of a source of enjoyment, they now associate play with stress, shame, or frustration. This avoidance can limit their opportunities for learning, developing social skills, and family bonding. The aim, therefore, is to gently rebuild their confidence and show them that games can be safe spaces where enjoyment is the goal, not flawless performance. 

Understand Why They Avoid Games 

A child may refuse to play for several underlying reasons: 

• They have started to see losing as proof of their own weakness or lack of ability. 

• They want to avoid the embarrassment of being compared to siblings or friends. 

• Their recent negative experiences with games have begun to outweigh any enjoyment. 

Recognising the root cause of their avoidance allows you to respond with empathy rather than frustration. 

Reintroduce Games Slowly and Gently 

Forcing your child back into playing will likely backfire. Instead, it is better to start small and rebuild their comfort level: 

• Choose very short and simple games where the outcomes can change quickly. 

• Begin by playing in pairs (just you and your child) before involving other siblings or friends. 

• Let them win occasionally at first to help rebuild their confidence, but balance this by gradually reintroducing fair and normal results. 

This gentle approach helps them to reframe games as enjoyable and low-pressure activities rather than intimidating contests. 

Emphasise Fun Over Competition 

Remind them of the true purpose of your family game time: 

• ‘We play these games to spend happy time together, not just to see who wins.’ 

• ‘The best part of any game is the laughing and the trying, not only the final score.’ 

You can also make the atmosphere feel lighter with jokes, silly challenges, or exaggerated reactions, so that the memory they form is one of fun, not of winning or losing. 

Encourage Brave Participation 

Instead of praising the outcome, focus on praising their courage for taking part: 

• ‘I am so proud that you decided to join the game today, even though you were feeling nervous.’ 

• ‘It takes real bravery to try again after the last game was so tough for you.’ 

This helps them feel valued for the simple act of showing up, which is a victory in itself. This is brave participation. 

Gradually Build Their Resilience 

As your child begins to regain their comfort with playing, you can introduce new elements: 

• Introduce cooperative games where the family has to work as a team to either win or lose together. 

• Celebrate small but significant improvements, such as them staying calm, laughing at a mistake, or simply finishing the game. 

• Ask reflective questions that focus on the experience, such as, ‘What was the funniest part of the game?’ rather than, ‘Did you win?’ 

Over time, their fear of losing will diminish, and games will once again become the safe, positive, and bonding experiences they are meant to be. 

1Spiritual Insight 

Islam teaches us that our worth is not determined by worldly wins or losses but by our sincerity, patience, and faith. Avoiding challenges out of fear can close the door to personal growth, whereas facing them with courage helps to build resilience and deepens our trust in Allah Almighty. 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Tawbah (9), Verse 51: 

‘Say (O Prophet Muhammad ﷺ): “No calamity (or difficulty) shall ever befall upon us, except what has been decreed by Allah (Almighty); He is our Lord, and so the believers place their full reliance upon Allah (Almighty)”.’ 

This powerful verse reassures us that outcomes are never random or unfair, for they are all part of the divine wisdom of Allah Almighty. Teaching this concept to children helps them to see that losing is not something to be feared, but a decree from which they can learn and which they can accept with trust. 

It is recorded in Riyadh Al Saliheen, Hadith 37, that the holy Prophet Muhammad said: 

‘If anything befalls the Muslim, hardship or sickness or worry or grief, even a thorn that pricks him, Allah will expiate some of his sins thereby.’ 

This hadith reminds us that even our smallest struggles can be beneficial, as they bring with them reward and an opportunity for growth. For a child, the pain of losing a game may feel like a real hardship, but with the right perspective, it can become a blessing. It is a way for them to build patience, humility, and inner strength. 

By encouraging your child to rejoin games slowly, with an abundance of compassion and gentle guidance, you help them to see that their participation is, in itself, a victory. Losing is not failure; it is a chance to learn, to grow, and to earn the reward of Allah Almighty through beautiful patience. 

In time, your child will carry this lesson into the bigger arenas of life, such as school, friendships, and their own faith. They will learn to face challenges with courage instead of fear, understanding that their effort, their resilience, and their trust in Allah Almighty matter far more than any temporary outcome.