What if copied rudeness is only for attention? 

Parenting Perspective 

Sometimes, children copy rude behaviour not out of genuine malice, but simply as a strategy to get noticed. They observe that a sarcastic comment or a dismissive tone sparks a strong reaction from adults or laughter from peers, and they learn that misbehaviour is a guaranteed way to gain the spotlight. While this can be frustrating, it also reveals your child’s underlying need for recognition. The key is to strategically reduce the reward for this negative behaviour while showing them more constructive and fulfilling ways to earn the connection they crave. 

Why Children Use Rudeness for Attention 

Understanding the motivation behind this behaviour allows you to respond with balance rather than with anger. A child may be using rudeness as a tool because: 

• They feel ignored or overshadowed, particularly in busy family or group settings. 

• They have seen their peers gain laughs or social status through such behaviour. 

• They have learned that negative actions bring a faster and more intense reaction from adults than quiet, good behaviour. 

Do Not Reward Rudeness 

The most effective response is to remain calm and avoid giving a dramatic reaction. Instead of engaging in a lengthy scolding, keep your correction brief and firm. 

‘That is not how we speak in this family. Please try again respectfully.’ 

This makes it clear that rudeness is an ineffective tool for gaining your attention. 

Give Attention to Positive Behaviour 

Make a conscious effort to “catch” your child being polite, respectful, or kind, and give those moments your full, warm attention. 

‘I really liked how you asked for that so politely just now. That thoughtful way of speaking caught my attention straight away.’ 

This teaches them that kindness, not rudeness, is the most reliable way to be noticed in a positive way. 

Teach Better Ways to Seek Recognition 

Explicitly show your child practical and positive alternatives for gaining recognition. 

• Encourage them to share their ideas in a discussion. 

• Teach them how to ask questions politely to show interest. 

• Give them small responsibilities where their contribution can be praised. 

Explain that these behaviours win not just attention, but also admiration and respect. 

Balance Firmness with Warmth 

While you must set firm boundaries against rudeness, it is equally important to ensure your child feels seen and valued every day. Even a few minutes of focused, one-on-one connection can significantly reduce their need to seek attention through negative means. 

By combining calm correction with positive reinforcement, you can guide your child away from using rudeness as a strategy. Over time, they will learn that true respect and connection are earned through good character, not misbehaviour. 

Spiritual Insight 

Islam reminds us that every word and action is significant. Seeking attention through rudeness reflects an immaturity of character, whereas seeking closeness to Allah through good manners earns a recognition that is lasting and meaningful. 

True honour and status in the sight of Allah are not gained through loudness or disrespect, but through righteousness. 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Hujuraat (49), Verse 13: 

‘…Indeed, the best of you in the judgement of Allah (Almighty) is the one who is most virtuous…’ 

This verse teaches a profound lesson: the attention we should seek is Allah’s, and that is only gained through piety and good character, not through the fleeting approval of others for negative behaviour. 

A true believer understands that their speech should either be beneficial or they should remain silent. 

It is recorded in Sahih Muslim, Hadith 48, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘He who believes in Allah and the Last Day should speak good or remain silent.’ 

This hadith establishes a clear standard for a believer’s speech. Seeking attention through rude or harmful words is unworthy of a person of faith. By teaching your child that real recognition is earned through respect and goodness, you help them shift their focus from the shallow approval of the moment to the lasting dignity that comes from a character that is pleasing to both people and to Allah.