What helps when they fear being labelled “the kid who…”? 

Parenting Perspective 

Children often dread being reduced to a single mistake, whether it is being known as ‘the kid who cried,’ ‘the kid who messed up,’ or ‘the kid who got in trouble.’ This fear of being labelled can weigh on them more heavily than the original event itself. Your role is to help them separate their whole identity from one single slip-up, respond with calmness if the label is used, and build new, positive patterns of behaviour that will shift their peers’ focus. 

Step 1: Normalise the Fear Without Minimising It 

Start by validating their feelings. You could say, ‘It feels scary to be remembered for just one thing. But no one is ever defined by a single moment. We all make mistakes, and people usually move on much quicker than it feels like they will inside your head.’ This simple acknowledgement helps to shrink the label’s power. 

Step 2: Provide Short, Boundary-Setting Replies 

Coach your child to use a few neutral, pre-prepared scripts if their peers tease them. 

• ‘That happened once, and I have moved on from it.’ 

• ‘I would rather focus on today, thanks.’ 

• ‘Everyone makes mistakes. Mine taught me something important.’ 

A single, calm reply, followed by disengagement, prevents them from feeding the label with their emotional energy. 

Step 3: Create a ‘New Headline’ Through Positive Action 

Guide your child to actively shape what their peers notice about them next. 

• Volunteer to help the teacher with a task, like tidying books or handing out sheets. 

• Make a positive and helpful contribution during group tasks. 

• Show kindness to someone new in the class or playground. 

When other children see repeated good actions, the old, negative label quickly fades under the weight of these new, positive headlines. 

Step 4: Teach Self-Talk That Rewrites the Story 

Encourage your child to replace a negative internal monologue, such as ‘I am the kid who ruined everything,’ with a more empowering one, like ‘I am the kid who fixed it afterwards.’ You can practise this as a mantra: ‘I am not defined by one mistake. I am defined by what I do next.’ Writing this on a sticky note in their planner can provide a powerful daily reinforcement. 

Step 5: Partner with Adults if the Labels Persist 

If the labelling becomes a persistent form of bullying, it is time to ask a teacher for private monitoring of the situation. A calm but firm reminder from an adult that ‘we do not define our classmates by one mistake’ can help to protect your child’s dignity while reinforcing a healthier classroom culture. 

End your conversations by reinforcing their sense of belonging: ‘You are loved here. In our family, you are never just “the kid who…”; you are a whole person who is able to learn, repair, and keep growing.’ 

Spiritual Insight 

A Believer’s Identity Rests on Faith, Not Labels 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Hujuraat (49), Verse 11: 

‘Those of you who are believers, do not let a nation ridicule another nation, as perhaps it may be that they are better than them; and let not the women (ridicule) other women, as perhaps they may be better than them; and do not insult each other; and do not call each other by (offensive) nicknames; how bad is it to be called by nefarious names after the attainment of faith…’ 

This verse reminds us that the use of mocking and hurtful labels is forbidden in Islam. Teach your child that being called ‘the kid who…’ does not reflect who they truly are in the sight of Allah Almighty. Their real identity is that of a believer who is striving to improve. Encourage them to turn to Allah for strength and to remember that their ultimate worth comes from Him, not from the whispers of other people. 

Honour Grows Through Sincerity and Good Deeds 

It is recorded in Sahih Muslim, Hadith 2564, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘It is enough evil for a man to look down upon his Muslim brother.’ 

This hadith teaches that the act of putting someone down with a label is, in itself, a harmful and sinful act. Guide your child to respond to such behaviour with dignity by remaining respectful, avoiding the temptation to return insult for insult, and letting their steady good deeds become their ultimate answer. A quiet prayer for forgiveness (istighfar) and a personal prayer, such as, ‘O Allah, make me better than what they think of me, and forgive me for what they do not know,’ can help to soothe their heart and provide them with perspective.