What helps when one child’s medical or SEN needs absorb attention? 

Parenting Perspective 

When one child in a family has medical or special educational needs (SEN), it is natural that they will require more of their parents’ time, appointments, and emotional focus. However, their siblings can easily begin to feel overlooked, resentful, or even guilty for wanting more of their parents’ attention. The goal is to ensure that all of the children in the family feel seen and valued, even when the demands of care are unequal. 

Acknowledge the Situation Honestly 

It is helpful to explain the reality of the situation to your other children openly and honestly. You could say, ‘Your brother needs some extra help from us right now, and that is going to take up more of my time. But that does not mean that you are any less important to me.’ Children are more likely to respect honesty and transparency than they are to cope with a difficult silence. Naming the imbalance reassures them that their feelings are not invisible to you. 

Carve Out Dedicated One-to-One Time 

Even ten minutes of focused, undistracted attention can help to restore a sense of balance for a child. A quiet chat at bedtime, a walk to the shop together, or reading a book can send the powerful message: ‘You matter to me, and I want to spend time just with you.’ The consistency of these small moments often outweighs the impact of longer but much rarer outings. 

Involve Siblings in Positive, Helpful Roles 

You can invite your other children to help in ways that foster a sense of pride and contribution, such as reading a story to their sibling or fetching something simple that is needed. It is important to pair this with clear recognition of their effort, for example, ‘Thank you so much for your help. Your kindness really helps our family.’ This approach helps to shift their role from that of an overlooked bystander to a valued contributor. 

Protect Them from Adult Responsibilities 

While their involvement can be healthy, it is crucial not to place adult-level responsibilities onto the shoulders of siblings. They need the freedom to be children themselves, with their own space, joys, and challenges, not to be turned into constant carers. 

By balancing honesty, individual attention, and healthy roles, you can help all of your children to feel secure, loved, and a vital part of the family’s collective resilience. 

Spiritual Insight 

The Islamic tradition teaches that every child is a unique trust from God, deserving of honour, dignity, and mercy, regardless of their individual needs or abilities. 

The Islamic Principle of Honouring Every Child 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Israa (17), Verse 70: 

‘Indeed, We (Allah Almighty) have honoured the descendants of Adam; and fostered them over the land and the sea; and provided sustenance for them with purified nourishment; and We gave them preferential treatment over many of those (species) We have created with special privileges.’ 

This verse reminds us that every single child holds a God-given dignity and deserves to be treated with honour and respect. 

The Prophetic Example of Universal Mercy 

The Prophet Muhammad ﷺ demonstrated that compassion and tenderness should be shown to all children, not just to those who may have greater needs. It is narrated that he once kissed his grandson Hasan, and a man who was sitting nearby commented, ‘I have ten children and I have never kissed any of them.’ 

It is recorded in Riyadh Al Saliheen, Hadith 893, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘Whoever does not show mercy will not be shown mercy.’ 

This hadith teaches us that every child requires tenderness and mercy, not only those who outwardly appear to need more of our care. 

By balancing the special care required for one child with a consistent and visible love for all of them, parents are mirroring the beautiful Prophetic example of universal mercy. Their children learn from this that while their family’s circumstances may differ, their individual worth and dignity in the eyes of their parents, and before Allah Almighty, will always remain equal.