What Helps When My Child Says, ‘What Do I Get If I Help?’ 

Parenting Perspective 

When your child asks, ‘What do I get if I help?’, they are not being selfish. They are simply trying to understand the relationship between effort, reward, and recognition—a natural stage of moral development. The goal is to gently move them from an external motivation (‘What do I get?’) to an internal motivation (‘How does this make me a better person?’). 

Acknowledge the Question, Then Redirect the Focus 

Start by recognising that it is okay for them to ask. You might respond: 

‘That is a good question. It is kind to want to help—and there is something you get: a good feeling inside and Allah’s reward for doing something right.’ 

By validating their curiosity while immediately connecting it to character and faith, you frame helping as a spiritual gain, not a transaction. 

Replace Material Reward with Emotional and Moral Satisfaction 

Children often respond well to emotional cues and identity-based praise. Use language that builds intrinsic motivation: 

• ‘You helped your brother today—that made our home more peaceful.’ 

• ‘When you help without being asked, you show leadership and kindness.’ 

This teaches that the reward is in who they become, not what they receive. When praise centres on moral identity, it nurtures self-respect, not ego. 

Offer Gentle, Non-Material Acknowledgements 

Small acknowledgements can reinforce values without turning good deeds into transactions. Examples include: 

• A few minutes of one-on-one time. 

• Letting the child choose a bedtime story. 

• A warm smile and genuine thanks: ‘You made that task easier for everyone today—I noticed your care.’ 

These gestures affirm effort and gratitude while preserving sincerity. 

Encourage Reflection to Build Awareness 

After acts of service, prompt gentle reflection: 

• ‘How did it feel to help?’ 

• ‘Did you notice how happy your friend looked when you helped?’ 

Reflection helps the child experience the emotional reward of doing good, strengthening empathy and self-regulation. 

Spiritual Insight 

In Islam, sincerity (ikhlas) is the foundation of all righteous action. True service is performed for the pleasure of Allah Almighty, not for worldly recognition or reward. 

The Purity of Intention 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Insaan (76), Verse 9: 

‘Indeed, (they say in their hearts): “We are only feeding you for the sake of Allah (Almighty); we do not seek from you any reward or any gratitude”.’ 

This verse perfectly captures the essence of helping others for Allah’s sake—quietly, sincerely, and without expecting repayment. Teaching this principle helps children link service with faith rather than personal gain. 

The Sincerity That Defines Reward 

It is recorded in Sahih Bukhari, Hadith 1, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘The reward of deeds depends upon the intentions, and every person will get the reward according to what he has intended.’ 

This Hadith is the cornerstone of all Islamic moral development. It reminds us that the value of an action lies in its intention. When you remind your child that helping is seen and rewarded by Allah Almighty, even if no one else notices, you anchor their goodness in faith, not in visibility. 

By consistently connecting effort with sincerity and reward with divine recognition, your child learns that the greatest satisfaction comes not from applause, but from ikhlas—the quiet joy of pleasing Allah Almighty. Over time, ‘What do I get?’ becomes ‘How can I serve?’—the mark of a heart growing in humility, compassion, and faith.