What helps when my child says ‘I do not care’ to every sanction? 

Parenting Perspective 

When your child shrugs off every consequence with the words, ‘I do not care’, it can feel defeating, as though nothing can reach them anymore. You may start to question whether any form of discipline is effective. But this phrase is rarely about a true indifference; it is a shield. Behind the words, ‘I do not care’ there often lies a sense of embarrassment, frustration, or powerlessness. Your task is not to try to make them care by imposing harsher sanctions, but to disarm their defence, by showing them that their feelings matter, even when their actions cannot excuse their behaviour. 

Hear the Message That Lies Beneath Their Words 

Instead of reacting to the phrase itself, you can try to listen for what it really means. The words, ‘I do not care’ can often mean, ‘I am feeling small right now, so I will try to act as though I am strong.’ You can respond with a calm sense of empathy, not with an argument. 

‘You might say that you do not care, but this rule still stands. I know that this is a difficult situation.’ 

You are refusing to enter into an emotional contest, and you are keeping your authority steady and your tone of voice kind. 

Do Not Escalate the Consequence 

Stacking on more punishments in order to ‘make them care’ will only deepen their defiance. When children feel trapped, they can begin to detach themselves emotionally. Instead, you should try to stay consistent with your consequences, but keep them minimal. 

‘You have lost your screen time for today. Tomorrow is a new chance to make a better choice.’ 

Firm and predictable limits can help to teach a sense of reliability. An emotional overreaction on your part is more likely to teach them a sense of resistance. 

Keep Your Relationship at the Centre of Your Response 

A sense of disconnection can fuel a child’s apathy. It is important to keep your connection with them alive, even while the consequences for their actions still hold. 

‘I still love you, even though I do not like the choice that you have made today.’ 

When children can sense that your relationship with them is not at stake, they will eventually be able to lower their defences. A sense of warmth can soften their walls more effectively than a show of power ever could. 

Spiritual Insight 

Islam teaches that the heart can become hardened through anger, pride, or repeated mistakes, but that it can always be softened again through acts of mercy. A child who says, ‘I do not care’ is not lost to you; they are protecting a heart that feels ashamed or unheard. Your gentleness, not your force, can become the tool that helps to reawaken their sensitivity. 

Softening Hearts Through Mercy in the Noble Quran 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Zumar (39), Verse 53: 

‘Say (O Prophet Muhammad ﷺ): “O my servants, those of you who have transgressed against yourselves (by committing sin); do not lose hope in the mercy of Allah (Almighty); indeed, Allah (Almighty) shall forgive the entirety of your sins; indeed, He is the Most Forgiving and the Most Merciful”.’ 

This verse reminds us that even those hearts that have been turned away from guidance are never beyond reach. Just as Allah Almighty calls to the repentant with a sense of compassion, a parent’s calm response and their patience can invite a child to come back from a state of defiance to one of reflection. 

The Gentle Teacher in the Teachings of the Holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ 

It is recorded in Sahih Bukhari, Hadith 6013, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘He who is not merciful to others will not be treated mercifully.’ 

This Hadith teaches that mercy is the bridge to our influence over others. When your child is met with a calm sense of mercy, instead of with retaliation, their defiance can begin to soften. By showing your child compassion, even while you are keeping your boundaries firm, you are modelling a divine balance of justice that is wrapped in mercy. 

When your child says, ‘I do not care’, the real test is yours, to respond with a sense of steadiness, instead of with a struggle. Your calm tone, your consistent limits, and your enduring affection can teach them that a caring response is not something that can be demanded of them; it is something that can be grown through a sense of trust.