What helps when I feel unsure whether I am being too soft or too harsh in the moment? 

Parenting Perspective 

Parenting doubt is not a sign of failure, but of knowledge. When you stop to consider whether it was too harsh. Too soft? You are already an emotionally intelligent parent. These situations serve as reminders to examine your equilibrium. Ask: When I hold the limit, am I still connected? Am I being specific or ambiguous? Am I responding intentionally or out of emotion? If your presence is consistent and your boundaries are clear, you are probably in the healthy middle; firm but kind. Being harsh frequently causes the child to lose interest in the lesson and the connection. Contrarily, softness without structure might make children feel uneasy and confused. Compassionate authority, or a tone that says, I see you, I love you, and I will still hold this line, is the middle ground. I can be warm and clear at the same time is a helpful saying to keep in mind when things are unclear. Real parenting demands both heart and strength, so you do not have to pick between the two. And the fact that you are even reflecting on it shows that your compass is already aligned with care. 

Spiritual Insight 

Even those with the strongest spiritual ties battle with balance, and the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ demonstrated to us that this struggle is a necessary component of responsible leadership. Despite being the most sensitive person in the world, he never gave passive advice. He corrected with purpose, and he loved with constancy. It is recorded in Jami Tirmidhi, Hadith 1829, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ stated: 

“Every one of you is a shepherd, and every one of you is responsible for his flock. “

Being a shepherd means keeping a careful eye on things, making adjustments as necessary, and never going too far ahead or too far behind. It entails taking cautious action, even when unsure, because your presence, not your flawlessness, determines the well-being of your flock. 

Allah Almighty also offers a striking image of parenting balance in Surah Al Hadeed (57), Verse 27: 

“…And placed in the hearts of those who were his followers compassion and mercy…..” 

This verse reaffirms that Rahmah, not harshness, is the foundation of spiritual leadership. Mercy is not a soft choice; it is innately present in the hearts of those who genuinely mentor others. Therefore, do not see your doubt as a sign of weakness if you are hesitant during a discipline session. Consider it a reminder to lead with presence, review with candour, and make intentional adjustments. This is what it means to parent in alignment with prophetic mercy: not perfectly, but humbly, always seeking the balance between love and limits.