Parenting Perspective 

A child’s sense of security is deeply connected to receiving consistent messages from their parents, especially regarding everyday routines like bedtime, homework, and chores. If one parent is always the enforcer while the other is more relaxed, children will quickly learn how to resist or negotiate, which can create stress for everyone in the family. The solution is not necessarily to have a perfect agreement on every single detail, but rather to develop a set of shared strategies that allow you to present a united front to your child. 

Agree on a Few Non-Negotiables 

It is helpful to identify the core routines that both of you agree you must support. This could include the rule that bedtime is at a certain hour, that homework must be done before screen time, or that chores need to be completed before playtime. It is best to keep these core routines clear, simple, and consistent. 

Divide the Roles Fairly 

You can decide together who will take the lead on certain routines. For example, one parent might be responsible for checking homework each day, while the other oversees the bedtime preparations. A fair division of responsibility can help to reduce potential conflict and ensure that your family’s routines run more smoothly. 

Use a Unified ‘We’ Language with Your Child 

When you are reinforcing a particular rule, both of you should try to use ‘we’ language, such as, ‘We expect you to…’ rather than, ‘Mummy wants this,’ or, ‘Daddy insists on that.’ This helps to present a united and consistent front to your child. 

Build Flexibility into Your Structure 

It is a good idea to agree on which parts of your routines can be flexible. For instance, the bedtime may shift slightly on a weekend, but will remain strict on school nights. Agreeing on this kind of flexibility within your structure can help to prevent conflict between you as parents. 

Review Your Routines Together Regularly 

Have short, weekly check-ins as a couple to see how your routines are working. If you need to make adjustments, you can discuss them in private so that your children never see you as being divided. 

By making an effort to stay united in your everyday routines, you can show your child that your family life is guided by consistency and cooperation, not by constant negotiation or contradiction. 

Spiritual Insight 

Order, Justice, and Cooperation in the Home 

Islam teaches that order, justice, and cooperation are essential qualities for a peaceful home. When parents are able to build consistent routines that are grounded in a sense of fairness and unity, they are reflecting the sacred trust (amanah) that Allah has placed upon them. 

The Virtue of Order and Balance 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Furqaan (25), Verses 67: 

‘And it is those people that do not spend extravagantly, nor miserly; and (act in such a way) that is a balanced format between these two (extreme characteristics).’ 

This verse reminds us that the qualities of balance and consistency are virtues in all aspects of our lives, and this includes our daily family routines. 

The Beauty of Shared Parental Responsibility 

It is recorded in Sunan Ibn Majah, Hadith 1336, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘May Allah have mercy on a man who stands at night to pray and wakes his wife, and if she refuses, he sprinkles water on her face. And may Allah have mercy on a woman who stands at night to pray and wakes her husband, and if he refuses, she sprinkles water on his face.’ 

This hadith shows the beauty of spouses working together on their shared routines with a sense of mercy, creating unity through their shared actions. When you are able to stay united on the routines for your child’s bedtime, their schoolwork, and their chores, you are modelling the important qualities of cooperation, fairness, and a discipline that is grounded in faith. Your child will learn from your example that the rules of your family are not about control, but are about creating a sense of stability, responsibility, and peace in your home.