What helps siblings each get undivided attention without rivalry? 

Parenting Perspective 

Siblings often compete for their parents’ attention, especially when time and energy are limited. If one child feels consistently overlooked, this natural rivalry can grow into deep-seated resentment. The key is not to attempt to divide your love, but to ensure that each child experiences moments of being truly and uniquely seen. Undivided attention, even in small doses, communicates a powerful message to each child: ‘You matter uniquely to me.’ 

Schedule Brief One-to-One Moments 

Set aside short, predictable pockets of time to spend with each child individually. This could be five minutes of quiet talk before bed, a walk to the shop together, or reading a book. These moments do not need to be long, but they must be free from distractions. When a child knows that their special time will reliably come, they become less anxious and less likely to compete for it. 

Recognise and Honour Their Individuality 

Show a genuine interest in what makes each of your children distinct. For one child, this may be their love for art; for another, it might be sports or deep conversation. Engaging with them in their preferred activity signals respect for their unique personality, which naturally reduces comparison and rivalry between them. 

Explain That Fair Does Not Always Mean Equal 

It can be helpful to explain to your children that each of them will receive the attention that is suited to their needs, which will not always be identical in terms of time or activity. For example, you might say, ‘I am spending time reading with your brother tonight because he has a project for school. Tomorrow, it will be our special story time together.’ This clarity helps to prevent the impression of favouritism from forming. 

When children trust that they will each have their own special moments with you, their rivalry often softens into a sense of security. They learn that a parent’s love is abundant, not a scarce resource they need to fight over. 

Spiritual Insight 

In the Islamic tradition, the principles of justice and fairness are paramount, extending deeply into the dynamics of family life. Ensuring each child feels valued is not just good practice but a spiritual responsibility. 

The Divine Command for Justice in the Family 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Nahal (16), Verse 90: 

‘Indeed, Allah (Almighty) orders you to promote justice and benevolence; and to be generous towards (positively developing) those that are within your jurisdiction; and to prevent that which is immoral, acts of irrationality, and cruelty…’ 

This verse reminds us that upholding justice in all our family dealings, which includes giving each member their fair share of love, time, and attention, is a divine command. 

The Prophetic Emphasis on Treating Children Justly 

It is recorded in Sahih Bukhari, Hadith 2587, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘Fear Allah and be just with your children.’ 

This profound guidance teaches us that fairness towards our children is a form of taqwa (God-consciousness) and that we must strive to ensure no child feels neglected or disadvantaged in comparison to their siblings. 

By consciously giving each child moments of undivided attention, parents are upholding the principle of justice within the home. This practice not only prevents rivalry but also nurtures love, dignity, and spiritual grounding among siblings, shaping them into adults who understand how to value others fairly.