What helps my child separate one person’s opinion from their self-worth? 

Parenting Perspective 

When a child’s confidence has been bruised by unkind words, particularly from a classmate, teacher, or even a friend, they often start to believe that a single opinion defines their entire identity. One cruel remark can echo in their mind far more loudly than a hundred kind ones. Your role as a parent is to help them learn an essential life skill: how to hold other people’s opinions lightly, while holding firmly to their own sense of worth. 

This separation does not happen through lectures; it grows through reflection, perspective, and daily reminders of who they truly are. 

Begin with Perspective, Not Just Reassurance 

Avoid immediately jumping to reassurances like, ‘Do not listen to them, you are amazing!’ While well-intentioned, this can feel like a dismissal of their feelings. Instead, begin with curiosity: 

• ‘What exactly did they say?’ 

• ‘Why do you think it felt so powerful?’ 

This approach allows your child to explore why the words hurt, which builds emotional insight. Then, you can gently shift their perspective: ‘That is one person’s view in one moment; it does not decide who you are.’ By discussing it calmly, you help them to step outside the opinion rather than drown within it. 

Create a ‘Circle of Truth’ 

Draw two circles together with your child. 

• Inner Circle: Label this with qualities that Allah Almighty gave them and that no one can take away, such as kindness, effort, honesty, faith, or curiosity. 

• Outer Circle: This represents what others might say, which can change with moods, opinions, and popularity. 

Explain that what is in the inner circle is true about them, even when others do not see it. What is in the outer circle can change at any time; it is just noise. This visual exercise helps them to understand that opinions belong outside their self-worth, not inside it. 

Teach Them to Filter Opinions 

When they encounter hurtful words, help them to filter these comments mentally. 

• Is it true? If not, they should discard it. 

• Is it kind or intended to help them grow? If not, they should not hold onto it. 

• Does it come from someone whose actions show care and respect? If not, it is not worth their energy. 

You can say, ‘Everyone is allowed to have an opinion, but not everyone earns the right to shape how you see yourself.’ This teaches discernment, the difference between feedback that refines and cruelty that depletes. 

Anchor Their Worth in Character and Effort 

Shift your praise away from appearance or achievement and towards character and effort. Instead of saying, ‘You are the best in your class,’ you might say, ‘I love how you remained kind even when they were not.’ 

When children learn to measure themselves by what they can control, such as their actions and values, they become less vulnerable to external judgement. 

Model a Healthy Response to Criticism 

Children mirror how you react to criticism. When you receive negative feedback or hear gossip, respond calmly: ‘That is their view. It is okay if not everyone agrees with me.’ 

Hearing you separate an opinion from your own identity gives your child permission to do the same. You could even narrate your inner process: ‘That comment stung for a moment, but I remembered it is just one voice, not the whole truth.’ Your emotional maturity becomes their emotional template. 

Encourage Quiet Self-Reflection 

Provide your child with regular opportunities to reconnect with their strengths through activities like journaling, art, prayer, or quiet conversation. You might ask, ‘What are three things you like about who you are on the inside?’ 

Write these down and revisit them on difficult days. Over time, your child learns that their self-worth does not live in the voices of others, but in what they know to be true in their own heart. 

Acknowledge Their Inner Strength 

When they begin to question hurtful words instead of automatically accepting them, acknowledge this progress. ‘I love how you thought about whether that was really true instead of believing it straight away. That is real strength.’ This reinforces self-awareness as a shield against unkindness. 

Spiritual Insight 

Islam teaches that the worth of every soul comes from Allah Almighty, not from human approval. When we attach our value to the opinions of others, we hand them control over our peace of mind. Helping your child to find their honour (‘izzah) in their relationship with Allah is the most powerful protection against insecurity. 

True Honour in the Noble Quran 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Faatir (35), Verse 10: 

‘ So for whoever desires respectability, so (know that) all respectability is from Allah (Almighty) in absolute terms; so all meaningful conversations are defined by Him, and all virtuous actions are given accolade by Him…’ 

This verse reminds us that dignity does not come from the praise of others; it comes from sincerity and good deeds that are seen by Allah alone. Teaching your child this truth anchors their worth in faith, not popularity. 

Self-Worth in the Prophet’s Teachings 

It is recorded in Sahih Muslim, Hadith 2564, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘Verily, Allah does not look at your appearance or your wealth, but He looks at your hearts and your deeds.’ 

This hadith beautifully redirects our focus inward. When your child understands that their value is measured by their intention and kindness, not by the opinions of others, they can grow an unshakeable confidence that is rooted in humility. 

Over time, your child will learn to pause when criticism comes their way, to breathe, and to ask, ‘Is this true, or is this just noise?’ 

Each time they choose to release unkind words instead of carrying them, they strengthen their self-respect. As you remind them that Allah Almighty knows their heart better than anyone else, they will discover the deepest truth of all: that their worth was never up for debate, as it was written by the One who created them.