What helps my child choose a safe action when they feel angry? 

Parenting Perspective 

When children feel angry, their world can shrink to the size of that single emotion. They might hit, throw things, shout, or storm away, not because they want to cause harm, but because they do not yet know what else to do. Helping a child to choose a safe action in these moments is not about control; it is about guidance. You are teaching them to recognise the wave of anger and ride it safely, rather than being overwhelmed by it. 

Understanding the Energy of Anger 

Anger is often a protective emotion, covering something softer underneath, such as hurt, fear, or disappointment. When it rises, the body fills with an energy that demands release. Without the right words or tools, a child’s body will simply act it out. Recognising this helps you to shift your focus from punishment to partnership. Your child does not need a scolding; they need direction. 

Recognising the Early Warning Signs 

Before a child can choose a safe action, they must first learn to be aware of how anger feels in their body. You can help them to notice these physical signals by asking: 

• ‘Do you feel your heart starting to race?’ 

• ‘Are your hands tightening into fists?’ 

• ‘Does your body feel hot all of a sudden?’ 

These cues can become their early warning signs that it is time to switch from reaction to regulation. You can then gently say, ‘Your body is telling you that it is angry. Let us find a safe way to use that energy.’ 

Creating a Plan for Safe Anger 

It is helpful to collaborate with your child when they are calm to create a list of actions that can help them to release their anger safely. Examples include: 

• Squeezing a soft toy or a pillow 

• Jumping in place or running outside for a minute 

• Drawing a picture of a storm and then a picture of a rainbow 

• Taking deep ‘dragon breaths’ (a slow inhale followed by a strong exhale) 

You can write these ideas down and call it your ‘safe anger list.’ During intense moments, you can remind them, ‘You can choose something from our safe list now.’ Giving them this choice helps to restore their sense of power and transforms anger into an opportunity for responsibility. 

Modelling Calm Redirection 

When anger appears, children will copy what they see. If you shout back, the message they receive is that anger controls everyone. If you remain steady and keep your voice low, you show them that anger can exist without causing harm. You might say softly, ‘It is okay to feel angry, but it is not okay to hurt anyone. Let us use your safe choice.’ Consistency in your response is what builds their sense of safety. 

Spiritual Insight 

In Islam, anger is acknowledged as a natural part of human experience, but the way one channels it is what defines a person’s character. The holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ did not deny his emotions; he transformed them. Teaching your child to act safely when they are angry is a way of teaching them taqwa, an awareness of Allah Almighty that guides their behaviour even when feelings are strong. 

The Quranic Virtue of Restraining Anger 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Shuraa (42), Verse 37: 

‘And those people that avoid the major sins and immoralities, and when they become angry, they are readily forgiving.’ 

This verse teaches that true strength lies not in avoiding anger, but in transforming it into mercy. When your child learns to choose a safe action instead of reacting in a harmful way, they are learning a form of forgiveness, first of themselves and then of others. Calm control becomes an act of faith, not just a sign of maturity. 

The Prophetic Method of Redirecting Anger 

It is recorded in Sunan Abu Dawood, Hadith 4782, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘When one of you becomes angry, let him change his position; if he is standing, let him sit; and if he is sitting, let him lie down.’ 

This hadith beautifully captures the essence of emotional regulation in action. The holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ gave a physical method for redirecting anger safely by shifting the body to shift the emotional state. Teaching your child similar movement-based tools, such as sitting down or breathing before they react, directly mirrors this prophetic guidance. It turns faith into an act of daily self-control. 

Helping your child to choose a safe action when they are angry is not about suppressing their emotion; it is about giving it wisdom. You are teaching them that their feelings can be strong without becoming destructive. Over time, your calm guidance will build their emotional literacy and a faith-rooted sense of discipline. 

Each time your child chooses a safe act, whether it is a breath, a walk, or a deliberate pause, they are taking one step closer to ihsan, or excellence in character. In that sacred space between an emotion and an action, where calm replaces chaos, they are quietly learning one of life’s greatest spiritual lessons: that control, when guided by mercy, is strength in its purest form.