What helps my child balance helping others with finishing their own work? 

Parenting Perspective 

Children who are naturally helpful often rush to support their classmates, friends, or siblings before they have completed their own responsibilities. While this generosity is admirable, it can cause frustration when their homework is left unfinished, their chores are delayed, or their own commitments begin to suffer. As a parent, you may face a dilemma: should you encourage their kindness, or insist that they focus on themselves first? The answer lies in teaching them the importance of balance. 

Many children do not yet have a good understanding of time management. They may think, ‘I will just help them quickly,’ but small interruptions can add up, and their own tasks begin to pile up. Instead of scolding them, you can guide them gently so they learn that completing their own work first makes them more reliable helpers in the long run. 

Explain the Principle of Balance 

Begin by clarifying the concept in a simple way: ‘Helping other people is a wonderful thing to do, but your own responsibilities are important too. If you do not finish your own work, it can create more work for someone else later on.’ This frames the idea of balance as an act of fairness, not of selfishness. 

Teach a Clear Priority Rule 

You can teach your child to follow a simple order of operations. 

1. Finish any urgent personal tasks first. 

2. Offer to help someone else if there is still time available. 

3. If the task is too big, ask an adult for support. 

This shows them that responsibility and service can complement each other rather than being in conflict. 

Provide Practical Scripts for Setting Boundaries 

Equip your child with polite ways to manage both needs at once. 

• ‘I will finish my maths sheet first, and then I can come and help you.’ 

• ‘I can show you for just a minute, but I have to finish my own work right after.’ 

• ‘I cannot help right now, but I will be free to help you later on.’ 

Help Them Practise Time Awareness 

Help your child to develop a better sense of how long different tasks take. You can use a timer to build this awareness and prevent them from overcommitting. For example: ‘Let’s see how long it takes you to finish one page of your reading. Then you will know if you have enough time to help your brother with his puzzle.’ 

Model This Balance Yourself 

Show your child that adults also have to balance their service to others with their personal duties: ‘I will just finish sending this important email, and then I will come and help you with your project. That way, both jobs will get done properly.’ 

Praise Their Wise Choices 

When you notice your child finishing their own work before helping someone else, be sure to praise their decision: ‘I really liked how you did your homework first, and then went to help your brother. That showed great responsibility.’ 

Mini Dialogue Example 

Child: ‘But I want to help my friend with his drawing before I finish my homework.’ 

Parent: ‘I love that you want to help. Let’s finish your homework first so that your teacher is not upset, and then you will be completely free to help your friend properly. That way, you are being fair to both of you.’ 

Spiritual Insight 

Islam teaches that both our personal responsibilities and our service to others are forms of worship. Neglecting one for the other creates an imbalance that is not encouraged. A believer is one who fulfils their own duties faithfully, while also helping others whenever possible. 

Accountability for One’s Own Work 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Zalzalah (99), Verses 7-8: 

‘Thus, everyone’s actions equivalent to the measurement of an atom that is good shall be observed by them (on the Day of Judgment). And everyone’s actions equivalent to the measurement of an atom that is wicked shall be observed by them (on the Day of Judgment).’ 

This teaches a child that every single action counts in the sight of Allah. You can explain: ‘Allah sees both the homework that you finish and the help that you give to your friends. Both of these things matter, and both are written down for you.’ 

Fulfilling Your Duties Comes First 

It is recorded in Sunan Ibn Majah, Hadith 954, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘When one of you prays, let him pray facing a sutrah (barrier) and draw close to it, and do not let anyone pass in front of him. If he insists, then let him repel him, for he has a companion (devil) with him.’ 

Though this hadith refers specifically to the prayer, scholars explain that it highlights a wider principle: protecting your own primary duty comes first, even while you are showing respect to others. For a child, this can be simplified: ‘The Prophet ﷺ taught us to protect our own worship from interruption. Just like your prayer, you must also protect your own responsibilities before rushing to help someone else.’ 

By showing your child that Islam values both fulfilling one’s own trusts (amanah) and supporting others, you help them to see that balance is an act of faith. They will learn that kindness without responsibility is incomplete, and responsibility without kindness can be too harsh. The goal is a sense of harmony, where their service to others is strengthened, not weakened, by the reliability of their own work.