Parenting Perspective 

When uncles or aunts contradict or undermine the rules that parents have set, it can create significant confusion and tension for a child. Rules provide a sense of structure, and children rely on that structure to feel safe and secure. If extended family members dismiss parental boundaries, children may feel unsure about what is truly expected of them, which can impact their emotional wellbeing. 

Mixed Messages and Confusion 

Hearing different and conflicting instructions from different adults can teach children that rules are negotiable rather than firm. This can lead to an increase in boundary-testing, selective obedience, and even dishonesty as the child learns to play the adults in their life against one another. 

Weakening of Parental Authority 

If relatives openly dismiss a parent’s rule in front of the child, the child may begin to lose confidence in their parents’ leadership. Over time, this can erode the respect that is needed for parents to be able to guide their children effectively, leaving them to question who is actually “in charge” of their care. 

Emotional Stress and Loyalty Conflicts 

Children may feel stuck in the middle, wanting to please their parents while also following the lead of their beloved uncles or aunts. This can cause a great deal of guilt or emotional strain, especially if they sense any friction between the adults they love. For example, a child might accept a privilege from an uncle that they know their parents would not allow, and then feel anxious about their parents’ potential reaction. 

Protecting Stability Through Communication 

Parents can help to reduce this problem by setting clear and respectful expectations with their relatives early on, kindly explaining that consistency is vital for the child’s wellbeing. A private and gentle conversation, not a public confrontation, is the best way to maintain respect and family harmony. Parents can also redirect situations gently in the moment, reminding their child that the household rules remain the same, regardless of who is visiting. 

By protecting the consistency of their rules while still valuing and honouring their family ties, parents can help their child to grow in a home where love and clear boundaries exist together in harmony. 

Spiritual Insight 

Islam emphasises the rights of our extended family, but it also makes it clear that parents carry the ultimate and direct responsibility for raising their children. When relatives undermine parental rules, it risks disturbing the sacred trust (amanah) that Allah has placed upon the parents. 

The Importance of Family Unity 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Hujuraat (49), Verses 10: 

‘Indeed, the believers are brothers (to each other); so, make peace with your brothers; and seek piety from Allah (Almighty) so that you may receive His Mercy.’ 

This verse reminds us that maintaining harmony and unity within the family is central to creating a healthy and stable environment, especially for the emotional wellbeing of our children. 

Parents’ Direct Accountability 

It is recorded in Sahih Muslim, Hadith 142, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘Any man whom Allah has given responsibility for others, and he dies while he was cheating them, Allah will forbid Paradise for him.’ 

This Hadith highlights that parents have a direct accountability to Allah for their children’s wellbeing. They cannot allow the interference of others, however well-intentioned, to harm their ability to fulfil this duty. 

By addressing their relatives respectfully but firmly, parents are able to uphold the sacred trust that Allah has placed upon them while still honouring their family bonds. This balanced approach teaches children that while all family members are to be loved and respected, the stability and guidance of the home come from the parents. Such clarity helps to foster a sense of emotional security and builds an environment where the Islamic values of respect, unity, and responsibility are lived out daily.