Parenting Perspective 

When neighbours openly compare children based on their school grades or family lifestyles, it can create unhealthy pressure and leave lasting emotional scars. A child who overhears these remarks can feel that their worth is being judged not on who they are, but purely on their academic performance or their family’s possessions. 

The Emotional Strain on a Child 

This constant judgment can take a heavy toll on a child’s emotional well-being. 

• Shame and Insecurity: They may feel embarrassed if their grades or lifestyle are perceived as ‘less’ than their neighbours’. 

• Frustration and Anxiety: Instead of being motivated, a child can become fearful of never being able to measure up to others’ expectations. 

• Identity Struggles: They may feel that they are defined by their grades or material wealth, rather than by their character and effort. 

Creating a Strain on Family Relationships 

These comparisons can also cause friction within the family. Children may unfairly blame their parents for not providing the same lifestyle or for their academic results. At the same time, parents may feel pressured to push their children beyond their capacity, creating stress for everyone. 

The Impact on Social Bonds 

Public comparisons create rivalry and tension among children who should ideally be growing up as friends. A supportive community can quickly turn into a competitive environment, fostering jealousy and mistrust where there should be friendship. 

How Parents Can Support Their Children 

Parents can protect their child’s self-esteem with a supportive home environment. 

• Reassure your child that their grades and lifestyle are not the sole markers of their worth. 

• Celebrate their effort, progress, and character traits, such as honesty and kindness. 

• Model confidence and gratitude, showing them that such comparisons often reveal more about the adults than about the child. 

• Teach resilience by reminding your child that everyone’s journey is different and unique. 

This guidance helps to protect a child’s self-esteem and teaches them to rise above shallow judgments. 

Spiritual Insight 

Islam strictly discourages the practice of making comparisons based on worldly possessions or other superficial measures. It teaches that every individual is honoured by Allah in their own unique way, and that acts of arrogance or mockery are damaging to the soul. 

A Quranic Reminder on True Dignity 

The Quran reminds us that a person’s true nobility in the sight of Allah comes from their piety and character, not from their worldly achievements. 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Hujuraat (49), Verse 13: 

‘…Indeed, the best of you in the judgement of Allah (Almighty) is the one who is most virtuous…’ 

This verse teaches that real honour lies in righteousness, not in grades, wealth, or social standing. 

Prophetic Guidance Against Envy and Rivalry 

The Prophet Muhammad ﷺ taught that the foundations of a healthy community are love and unity, which are destroyed by envy and rivalry. 

It is recorded in Sahih Muslim, Hadith 2564, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘Do not hate one another, and do not envy one another, and do not turn away from one another, but be servants of Allah as brothers.’ 

This hadith shows that comparison, envy, and rivalry damage unity, while humility and mutual respect strengthen it. 

By grounding children in Islamic values, parents can remind them that worldly measures like grades and lifestyles are temporary, while faith, effort, and good character have eternal value. This nurtures a self-esteem that is rooted in sincerity and piety, protecting them from the harm of shallow comparisons.