Parenting Perspective 

When a parent causes harm to a child, whether through words, actions, or neglect, it is important to teach the child about the process of accountability and restitution. The consequence in this situation should not feel punitive but should rather reflect the value of responsibility. The goal is to repair the harm, show genuine remorse, and ensure the child understands that the parent is actively taking responsibility for their actions. 

A fair consequence for a parent causing harm is not about punishment but rather about modelling how to repair the situation and teaching empathy. 

Acknowledge the Mistake Sincerely 

The first step is to fully acknowledge the mistake. This may involve saying something like, ‘I hurt your feelings today when I spoke to you harshly, and I am really sorry for that.’ 

• Why it matters: By admitting the mistake openly, you show your child that it is okay to make mistakes, but the important part is acknowledging them. 

Offer a Sincere Apology 

A genuine apology is an essential part of the process. Acknowledge not only what you did wrong but also how it may have made your child feel. 

• What to say: Saying, ‘I can see how my words made you feel hurt, and I am truly sorry for that,’ reinforces the importance of recognising and validating the other person’s feelings. 

Repairing the Harm 

The consequence should focus on the act of repairing the damage, rather than simply punishing the parent. This might involve taking steps to directly correct the wrong. 

• Examples: 

• Spending quality time to make up for neglect or harsh words. 

• Doing something kind or thoughtful to show your child that you care. 

• Demonstrating consistent behaviour change to show that you are committed to not repeating the mistake. 

Restitution through Positive Action 

In cases where the harm was more significant, restitution through positive actions can serve as a meaningful consequence. If the parent’s behaviour led to a breakdown in trust, the consequence should involve rebuilding that trust. 

• Examples: 

• Apologising daily for a period of time until the child feels reassured. 

• Engaging in consistent, positive actions like offering support or spending time together. 

Teach the Value of Accountability 

The ultimate goal should be to teach the child about accountability and growth. This can be achieved by showing them that the parent is not immune to the consequences of their actions. 

• What to say: You might say, ‘I made a mistake, but I am working hard to make things right. This is what we do when we hurt someone; we apologise, try to fix it, and learn to do better next time.’ 

By focusing on restitution, not punishment, you guide your child to understand that harm can be repaired. 

Spiritual Insight 

The Power of Repentance and Righteous Action 

The noble Quran demonstrates that sincere repentance is not just about asking for forgiveness but also about transforming our actions into good. It teaches that when we recognise the damage we have caused, we can work to repair it by doing good deeds. 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Furqaan (25), Verse 70: 

‘ Except for the one who sought repentance, and believed (in the truth), and enacted virtuous deeds; so, for those people, Allah (Almighty) shall substitute (and extinguish) their evil deeds with good deeds; and Allah (Almighty) is All Forgiving and All Merciful.‘ 

Allah’s mercy is boundless, and by making efforts to fix what has been broken, we align ourselves with His guidance. 

The Transformative Power of Sincere Repentance 

The teachings of the Prophet Muhammad ﷺ highlight the transformative power of sincere repentance. It teaches us that when we truly repent and make amends, our past wrongs are forgiven. 

It is recorded in Sunan Ibn Majah, Hadith 4250, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘The one who repents from sin is like the one who has no sin.’ 

This shows that even when harm is caused, sincere efforts to repair the relationship result in a fresh start. By combining these teachings, you not only show your child that restitution is a path to healing but also demonstrate that repentance is an opportunity for growth and spiritual renewal.