What do we say to parents of the other child if the friendship needs distance? 

Parenting Perspective 

It can be an awkward situation for parents when a friendship between their children becomes tense or unkind. You may feel torn between the need to protect your own child’s emotional health and the desire to maintain a sense of courtesy with the other family. Helping your child to step back from the friendship in a kind way can often begin with how you, as a parent, choose to communicate that new boundary. The aim is not to make an accusation, but to create a sense of space with a calm sense of clarity and of respect. 

Balancing Honesty with a Sense of Mutual Respect 

It is helpful to start by framing the issue around your own child’s well-being, not around a sense of blame. You might say, ‘The children seem to be clashing a little bit lately, and I think that they would both benefit from a little break to be able to reset.’ This kind of phrasing can help to remove any sense of judgment from the situation and can help to avoid the other parent feeling defensive. It also helps to signal that your main focus is on restoring a sense of peace, not on any form of punishment. 

Choosing Words That De-escalate, Not Divide 

When you do speak to the other parent, it is important to keep your tone of voice gentle and your focus practical. It is best to avoid recounting every single incident or trying to assign any fault. You can use some balanced and neutral language. 

• ‘I think that a little bit of space might help both of them to feel calmer.’ 

• ‘They seem to have had some ups and downs lately. Perhaps we can just give them a little break and see how things go later on.’ 

If you are pressed for any more details, you can respond with a sense of composure: ‘There has just been some tension between them, and I would rather give them some time to cool off than to dwell on what has gone wrong.’ Remaining neutral in this way helps to keep the adult relationship feeling courteous and can also model a sense of dignity for your own child. 

Guiding Your Child Through the Period of Pause 

You can help your child to prepare for how this new sense of distance in their friendship might feel. They may worry about any awkward moments at school or at mutual family gatherings. You can reassure them by saying, ‘You can still be polite to them. You do not need to ignore them, just try to keep things brief and kind.’ This can help to teach them that boundaries can coexist with a sense of respect. You can also encourage them to find some healthy distractions during this time, such as new activities, reconnecting with other friends, or spending more time with their family. 

Spiritual Insight 

Islam teaches believers to try to uphold a sense of fairness, of gentleness, and of dignity in all of our dealings with other people, and especially when a relationship may require some distance. The act of setting our limits without any sense of anger is a reflection of hikmah (wisdom) and of adab (good manners). When parents are able to model this for their children, they are helping to nurture in them a heart that is able to value both the truth and a sense of its own tranquillity. 

The Quranic Teaching on Maintaining a Balanced Conduct 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Furqaan (25), Verse 63: 

‘And the true servants of the One Who is Most Beneficent are those who wander around the Earth with humility; and when they are addressed by the ignorant people, they say: “Peace be unto you”.’ 

This verse reminds us that our boundaries can always be drawn in a peaceful and a respectful way. Even when a sense of discomfort has arisen between two people, the response of a true believer should be a measured one, not a reactive one. When you are able to speak to the other parent with calm words and with a gentle tone, you are helping to preserve a sense of dignity on both sides, which is an act that can earn the pleasure of Allah. 

The Prophetic Example of Setting Graceful Boundaries 

It is recorded in Sahih Muslim, Hadith 48, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘He who believes in Allah and the Last Day should speak good or remain silent.’ 

This hadith teaches us that both our silence and our kindness can be protective forces in our lives. When a situation has the potential to lead to gossip or to a sense of harshness, the act of choosing to use calm and gentle words, or to use fewer words, is a reflection of our faith. 

Helping your child and their friend’s family to take a step back from a friendship in a graceful way can teach them a lesson that can go far beyond this one particular friendship. It can show them that a sense of respect can still remain, even when a sense of closeness cannot. 

Your own gentle words in this situation can model a sense of integrity, of showing that we can protect our own child’s heart without having to harm another person’s dignity. Over time, your child will be able to remember from your example that a person’s strength does not have to be loud or defensive; it can be quiet, clear, and compassionate. 

When you are able to say to another parent, ‘I think that some space will help both of our children to be able to reset,’ you will be enacting a deeply Islamic form of wisdom, of protecting a sense of harmony through your own gentleness, and of trusting in Allah Almighty to be able to soften the hearts of the two children and to bring them to a greater sense of understanding in His own perfect time.