What do we plan when money differences make outings awkward? 

Parenting Perspective 

Money can shape many of our social moments during childhood, such as café trips after school, cinema tickets, or shared treats. When one friend is able to afford more than another, a sense of discomfort can quietly begin to seep in. Children may feel embarrassed to have to decline an outing, or they may feel guilty if they are able to spend their own money more easily than their friends. Helping your child to understand this dynamic from an early age can teach them a sense of empathy, of fairness, and of the value of a genuine friendship over mere appearances. 

Helping Your Child to Recognise the Invisible Pressure 

You can begin by saying to your child, ‘Not everyone’s family spends their money in the same way, and that is completely fine.’ This can help to normalise the idea of our human differences and can remove any sense of judgment from the situation. You can also explain that some families may be saving for specific goals, while others may prioritise their experiences in a different way. It is not always a matter of wealth, but one of choice and of circumstance. If your child ever notices a friend hesitating to join in with an activity, you can help them to respond with a sense of grace, rather than with one of surprise. 

Coaching Them to Suggest More Inclusive Plans 

You can encourage your child to take the initiative in suggesting some low-cost or free activities for their friendship group, such as a trip to the park, a movie night at home, or an art project that they can all do together. You could say to them, ‘The best kinds of plans do not have to depend on money; they depend on being able to laugh together.’ If a planned group outing feels as though it may be too expensive for someone in the group, you can guide your child to advocate for them in a subtle way: ‘Why do we not all do something a little simpler this time?’ This can help to normalise the simpler options for everyone, rather than having to spotlight the friend who may not be able to afford the original plan. 

Building a Sense of Sensitivity and Gratitude 

It is important to explain to your child that being kind about the issue of money is not about showing pity to another person, but about creating a sense of peace and making sure that no one in the group is made to feel uncomfortable. You can encourage them to focus their conversations on the idea of a shared enjoyment, rather than on the act of spending money. This can help them to keep any feelings of comparison from taking root. 

Spiritual Insight 

Islam reminds us as believers that our states of wealth and of ease can differ from one person to another, and that the qualities of both gratitude and of compassion are essential for a healthy society. The goal is not to have a sense of sameness in our possessions, but to have a sense of sincerity in our hearts. Helping your child to handle these differences in their financial situations with a sense of gentleness can prepare them to live by the beautiful Islamic virtues of humility and of generosity, the virtues that will always honour people more than their possessions. 

The Quranic Teaching on Fairness and Compassion 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Israa (17), Verse 29: 

‘And do not place your hands as if they are chained to your neck (i.e. choking at the prospect of giving wealth); and do not extend (your pocket) to its upper limit (i.e. giving away all your wealth), so that you end up sitting (in a position of) blame (as reckless by your dependents) and bankrupt.’ 

This verse teaches us the importance of moderation, of being neither stingy nor excessive in our spending. When your child is able to learn how to plan their outings in a way that is fair to everyone in the group, they are practising this beautiful sense of balance. 

The Prophetic Example of Modesty and Inclusion 

It is recorded in Sahih Bukhari, Hadith 6446, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘Wealth does not come from having many possessions, but true wealth is the richness of the soul.’ 

This hadith teaches us that a person’s true worth is not measured by their money, but by their sense of contentment and by their good character. When your child is able to value a sense of presence over a series of purchases, and is able to adjust their plans in order to make everyone feel comfortable, they are embodying this profound sense of inner richness. 

Guiding your child through these potentially awkward, money-related situations can help them to grow into a more compassionate and a more fair-minded friend. They can learn from these experiences that our financial differences do not have to be a barrier between us, but can in fact be an opportunity for us to show our sensitivity, our creativity, and a real sense of leadership. 

Your own patient conversations with them can help them to see that a sense of inclusion means finding a sense of joy that everyone is able to share. Over time, they will come to understand for themselves that our kindness is not about paying for other people or about trying to hide our differences, but about building a space where no one is made to feel left out because of what they have or do not have. 

When they are able to suggest to their friends, ‘Let us do something that is fun for everyone,’ they will be quietly living the great wisdom of our faith: that the richest moments in our lives are those that are spent with a sense of sincerity, of simplicity, and of a shared happiness that money can never buy.