What do we do if the friend accepts the apology but keeps bringing it up? 

Parenting Perspective 

It can be a confusing and painful experience for a child when they have offered a sincere apology, and yet their friend will not let the mistake go. They may whisper to you, ‘But I have already said sorry. Why do they keep mentioning it?’ In these moments, your child is learning two important truths: that forgiveness can sometimes take time, and that our own self-respect does not mean that we have to fight back. Teaching your child how to respond to this situation with patience, with clear boundaries, and with a sense of emotional grace can help them to hold on to their kindness without feeling defeated. 

Begin with Reassurance and a Sense of Perspective 

It is important to start by acknowledging your child’s frustration: ‘It must feel very hard when you have already apologised and your friend keeps on reminding you of what you did.’ Let them know that this does not necessarily mean that their apology has failed; sometimes, it just means that the other person’s hurt is still healing. You can say, ‘When people are still feeling upset, they might keep talking about what has happened because they are not yet ready to forget it. You cannot control their feelings, but you can control how you respond to them.’ 

Step One: Check the Sincerity of the Initial Apology 

You can encourage your child to quietly reflect on their apology by asking, ‘Was my apology full and clear? Did I also show them that I was truly sorry through my actions?’ Sometimes, when children say sorry in a quick way, just to end the tension of a moment, the other person can sense that it was not entirely heartfelt. If your child realises that they may have been a little rushed in their apology, you can suggest a simple follow-up: ‘Hey, I just want you to know that I really am sorry for what happened. I have been trying my best to do better.’ 

Step Two: Remain Kind but Do Not Over-Apologise 

If the friend continues to mention the incident, even after a sincere attempt at repair, you can guide your child to respond in a way that is gentle but also firm. 

• ‘I can understand that it is still bothering you. I really am sorry, and I hope that we can move past it soon.’ 

• ‘I know that I made a mistake, and I am trying to do better now.’ 

It is important to teach them to stop explaining themselves or pleading at this point. Over-apologising can make a child feel powerless and can sometimes even encourage the other person to continue holding the mistake over them. 

Step Three: Help Them to Set Gentle Emotional Boundaries 

If the reminders from their friend begin to turn into a form of teasing or guilt-tripping, you can help your child to practise setting a calm boundary: ‘I know that I hurt you, but I have said that I am sorry, and I am doing my best now. Can we please talk about something else?’ You can explain to your child that setting boundaries like this is not a form of rudeness; it is a form of self-care. 

Spiritual Insight 

Islam beautifully balances the concepts of forgiveness, patience, and dignity. Once a person has sought forgiveness in a sincere way, they are encouraged to move forward with a sense of hope and humility, not to live under an endless feeling of guilt. Likewise, as believers, we are taught to forgive others quickly and to avoid reminding them of their past wrongs. True forgiveness is the act of letting go for the sake of Allah Almighty. 

The Spiritual Virtue of Letting Go of a Grudge 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Aalai Imran (3), Verse 134: 

‘Those (the believers are the ones) that spend (in the way of Allah Almighty) in times of abundance and hardship; they suppress their anger; and are forgiving to people; and Allah (Almighty) loves those who are benevolent.’ 

This verse highlights that a real strength can be found in our ability to pardon others, not just in punishing them. If your child’s friend is struggling to let a matter go, you can remind your child that their own role is simply to remain kind and patient. 

The Prophetic Teaching on Avoiding Repeated Blame 

It is recorded in Riyadh Al Saliheen, Hadith 1555, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘The believer is not one who taunts others or curses or speaks indecently or abuses.’ 

This hadith teaches us that once a person has been forgiven, we should not keep on reminding them of their past mistakes, as this goes against the Prophet’s ﷺ own example of mercy and of having a clean heart. It can also be a source of comfort for your child, a reminder that if they have offered a sincere apology, their duty before Allah has been fulfilled. 

Teaching your child how to remain kind when someone will not let go of a past mistake can help them to build their emotional strength and their moral balance. They can learn that their own sense of peace does not have to depend on a perfect sense of fairness from others, but on their own ability to act with integrity, no matter how other people may be behaving. 

Your support can help them to see that once they have apologised, have changed their behaviour, and have remained kind, they are free to move forward with a clean heart. If their friend continues to bring up the past, they can choose to forgive them inwardly and to continue to live in a gentle way. 

Spiritually, this lesson can help to root your child in a sense of dignity and a calm form of faith. They can grow to understand that a feeling of remorse that is followed by a real effort to grow is what can earn the love of Allah, and that no one can hold them captive to a mistake once they have truly made it right.