What do I say when they feel overlooked in group activities? 

Parenting Perspective 

Group activities, whether at school, in clubs, or at home with siblings, represent important opportunities for a child to connect and feel a sense of belonging. However, when they are not chosen for a team, their ideas are ignored, or they are simply overshadowed by more assertive personalities, the experience can be deeply hurtful. They may come home feeling invisible, expressing sentiments like, ‘Nobody noticed me,’ or, ‘I do not matter in the group.’ If these feelings are not addressed, a child may begin to withdraw, lose confidence, or develop resentment. Your response is crucial in helping them process this pain while equipping them with the skills to navigate group settings with greater resilience. 

Acknowledge Their Feelings with Empathy 

Before offering any solutions, it is vital to start with empathy. Dismissing their hurt with a quick, ‘Do not worry, it is fine,’ will only make them feel more misunderstood. Instead, try validating their experience: 

• ‘It sounds like you felt completely left out, and I can understand why that would be so upsetting.’ 

• ‘It must have been very difficult to feel like others were not noticing you.’ 

This simple act of acknowledgement shows them that their feelings are seen and respected at home. 

Separate Their Worth from Group Validation 

Help your child understand that being overlooked by a group does not diminish their intrinsic value. You can explain: 

• ‘Sometimes in a group, the loudest people get the most attention, but that does not mean your ideas are any less valuable.’ 

• ‘Even if other people did not hear you today, what you wanted to contribute still matters a great deal.’ 

This teaches them that the silence of others is not a verdict on their importance. 

Equip Them with Practical Skills 

Provide your child with small, concrete strategies they can use to feel more empowered in future group situations. These tools can help them participate without needing to be aggressive: 

• Voice confidence: Encourage them to practise speaking a little louder and more clearly, or to raise their hand with purpose. 

• Assertive phrases: Teach them polite but firm phrases, such as, ‘I would like a chance to share my idea, please.’ 

• Non-verbal cues: Suggest making eye contact and maintaining an open, engaged posture to naturally draw positive attention. 

• Seek allies: Advise them to speak with a trusted teacher or a supportive friend who can help ensure their contributions are heard. 

Remind Them of Their Inherent Strengths 

Counteract their disappointment by highlighting the unique qualities you admire in them. This helps build a foundation of confidence that is not dependent on external validation. You could say: 

• ‘You are such a thoughtful and creative person. Even if the group did not see that today, it does not change who you are.’ 

• ‘I have always admired how much you care about including others. That quality makes you an excellent team member.’ 

Share Inspiring and Relatable Examples 

Stories can be a powerful way to show that being overlooked is often a temporary state and does not determine one’s future. 

• Share examples of historical figures or leaders whose ideas were initially ignored but were later celebrated. 

• Tell them about a time in your own life when you were not noticed in a group but learned a valuable lesson from the experience. 

Spiritual Insight 

Islam honours the voice and worth of every individual, reminding us that even if we are overlooked by people, we are never overlooked by Allah Almighty. A child who feels invisible in a group can find immense comfort and strength in knowing that their intentions, efforts, and words are always seen and valued by their Creator. 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Maryam (19), Verses 94: 

‘Indeed, (Allah Almighty) recognises their (malicious intentions), and is counting each one of them, one by one.’ 

This powerful verse reassures a child that they are never invisible to Allah. Every one of their contributions, even those that go unnoticed by peers, is fully accounted for and valued by Him. 

It is recorded in Jami Tirmidhi, Hadith 2507, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘The believer who mixes with people and is patient with their harm has a greater reward than the believer who does not mix with people and has no patience with their harm.’ 

This hadith teaches that participating in group life, even when it is challenging or hurtful, is an act of faith and a path to growth. It shows that being patient when overlooked is an act that earns a great reward from Allah Almighty. 

By grounding their experience in these spiritual truths, you can help your child understand that being overlooked is not the same as being unimportant. Their true worth is measured by their sincerity, effort, and patience, which are the qualities Allah Almighty values most. Over time, they will learn to navigate group dynamics with resilience, assert themselves respectfully, and find ultimate comfort in knowing that even when people miss their voice, Allah Almighty always hears it.