What do I say when they call themselves “the bad one” after correction?

Parenting Perspective

When a child labels themselves as ‘the bad one’ after being corrected, it is a sign that a feeling of shame has taken over the learning moment. Instead of hearing, ‘I did something wrong,’ they are hearing, ‘I am wrong.’ This shift from their behaviour to their identity can deeply harm their confidence and honesty if it is left unchecked. Your aim should be to hold your boundaries firmly, but also to separate their actions from their worth, showing them that mistakes are simply events to be fixed, not definitions of who they are as a person.

Anchor Their Safety Before You Teach

First, meet their feeling of shame with clear reassurance. Keep your tone of voice low and steady, and start with a statement that affirms their identity.

• ‘You are not the bad one. You are my child. Sometimes our actions might be wrong, but you are always loved.’

This simple opening helps to disarm their shame so their brain can hear the next part of what you have to say.

Separate the Person from the Deed

It is important to be explicit about this distinction.

• ‘Spilling your drink and not wiping it up was a careless action. But that does not mean you are a bad child.’
• ‘Throwing the toy was not an okay thing to do. That was the action. You are still learning, and I am here to help you do better.’

Children need to hear language that consistently separates ‘who I am’ from ‘what I did’.

Link Correction to Repair, Not Rejection

Guide them towards a short, calm action that can help to repair the mistake.

• ‘Let us wipe up the spill now.’
• ‘Say sorry to your sister and put the toy back on the shelf.’
• ‘We can practise closing the door softly together three times.’

This teaches them that mistakes should lead to repair and growth, not to being labelled as ‘bad’.

Use Identity-Building Praise After Correction

Once the repair is complete, you can close the incident with one short, positive sentence.

• ‘You have fixed it now; that was a very responsible thing to do.’
• ‘You told me the truth about what happened; that was very brave.’

This shifts the focus to positive identity traits that are linked to their actions. Over time, children can learn to internalise the idea that ‘I am capable and I am learning,’ instead of ‘I am bad.’

Spiritual Insight

Islam teaches us that human beings are honoured by Allah, even though we all make mistakes. Our deeds may be right or wrong, but our essential worth is not erased by our mistakes. Correction in parenting should reflect this divine balance of justice and mercy.

The Inherent Honour of Every Child

This verse is a reminder that every child carries an inherent dignity and honour as a creation of Allah. Even when their actions require correction, a parent’s role is to remind the child of their honour, not to allow them to sink into an identity of worthlessness.

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Israa (17), Verse 70:

‘Indeed, We (Allah Almighty) have honoured the descendants of Adam; and fostered them over the land and the sea; and provided sustenance for them with purified nourishment; and We gave them preferential treatment over many of those (species) We have created with special privileges.’

Mistakes as a Part of Being Human

This hadith teaches that making mistakes is a part of human life. What truly defines a person is their willingness to return, to seek forgiveness, and to grow, not to be labelled as ‘bad’. For a child, this means that making a mistake is not the end of their worth. What matters is their honesty, their willingness to repair, and their striving to do better next time.

It is recorded in Sahih Muslim, Hadith 2749, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said:

‘By Him in Whose Hand is my soul, if you were not to commit sin, Allah would sweep you out of existence and He would replace you with people who would commit sin and then seek forgiveness from Allah, and He would pardon them.’

By responding to the statement, ‘I am the bad one,’ with firm love and clear repair steps, you teach your child that their worth is fixed, their mistakes are temporary, and their ability to grow is continuous. This nurtures both their resilience and their capacity for repentance (tawbah): the habit of returning to what is good after a slip.