What do I say when my child feels embarrassed about big emotions? 

Parenting Perspective 

Normalise Strong Feelings 

It is very common for children to feel embarrassed when their big feelings spill out in tears, shouting, or meltdowns. They may worry about what others think or feel ashamed for ‘making a scene’. As a parent, your calm reassurance is vital. Let them know that having strong feelings is normal and nothing to be embarrassed about. You might say, ‘Everyone has big feelings sometimes. What matters is how we handle them, not hiding them away.’ 

Talk in Calm Moments and Offer Privacy 

Talk about this gently in calm moments, not just in the middle of an upset. Use examples from your favourite stories or even your own life: ‘Do you remember when I felt so upset that I cried too? It helped me feel better.’ Show your child that tears or angry moments do not make you love them any less. If they feel embarrassed around others, teach them simple ways to step away for privacy. You could say, ‘When you feel big feelings coming, you can come to me or take a minute in your quiet corner.’ Praise them for talking about how they feel, even if they only manage a few words. Over time, your patience and steady love teach your child that emotions are human, and they never have to hide their heart from you. 

Spiritual Insight 

Islam honours the softening of the heart and does not shame honest tears or feelings. Allah Almighty knows every hidden feeling and the reasons behind each tear. Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Israa (17), Verse 109: 

‘And they fall on their faces, weeping, as this increases their humility. ‘

This Ayah reminds us that sometimes tears are part of our humility and growth, not something to feel small about. 

It is recorded in Sahih Muslim, Hadith 2594a, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ stated: 

‘Gentleness is not in anything except that it beautifies it, and it is not removed from anything except that it makes it defective. ‘

When your child feels embarrassed about their strong feelings, your gentle words help to remove the weight of shame. Teach them a small Dua to say when they feel exposed or shy: ‘Ya Allah, help my heart feel calm and safe.’ This gentle habit reminds them that Allah Almighty knows what is in their heart, even when they cannot explain it to anyone else. By teaching your child that emotions are not a fault but a trust to handle with care, you give them the strength to accept every part of themselves with hope in Allah Almighty’s mercy