Parenting Perspective 

Shift from Blame to Reflection 

When a child repeatedly denies their part in an argument, it often stems from a fear of being punished. Instead of cornering them with accusations, try a calmer approach: ‘I would like to understand what happened from your perspective, and then we can think about what part each of us played.’ This simple change in language shifts the focus from blame to reflection and encourages them to consider their own contribution. 

Teach Shared Responsibility 

Explain that in most disagreements, both people have played a part. You can role-play scenarios where they practise taking ownership of their actions, such as saying, ‘I admit I raised my voice because I was upset.’ When they do admit their part in a real conflict, praise their honesty warmly: ‘Thank you for admitting that. It shows great maturity.’ This teaches them that acknowledging their role helps to resolve conflicts much faster. 

Honesty in Maintaining Peace 

By guiding them gently and modelling accountability yourself, you teach your child that responsibility is not about taking all the blame but about being honest about their part in maintaining peace. This builds trust and strengthens their character. 

Spiritual Insight 

Stand Firm for Justice, Even Against Yourself 

Islam teaches that a believer must be truthful and just, even when it is difficult. The Quran commands us to stand for justice even if it means testifying against ourselves, reminding us that honesty about our own faults is a duty of faith. 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Maaidah (5), Verse 8: 

‘ You who are believers, become steadfast (in your devotion) to Allah (Almighty), corroborating all of that which is just; and never let your hatred of any nation prevent you from being just, – let justice prevail…’ 

Believers Strengthen One Another 

The prophetic tradition teaches that believers should be like a single building, supporting one another. Admitting one’s role in a conflict is a way of strengthening the bonds of family and friendship, rather than allowing blame to weaken them. 

It is recorded in Sahih Bukhari, 2446, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘The believer to another believer is like a building whose different parts support each other.’ 

Responsibility is Strength, Not Shame 

When your child understands that admitting their part in a conflict is an act of honesty that is beloved by Allah, they begin to see responsibility not as a source of shame, but as a source of strength. This helps them to grow into individuals who truly value truth and peace in all their relationships.