Parenting Perspective 

When a child becomes aware that their sibling consistently finishes tasks faster, whether it is getting dressed, eating, or completing homework, they can easily begin to feel discouraged and inadequate. If not handled with care, these comparisons can quickly damage a a child’s self-esteem and foster an unhealthy sense of rivalry. Your response in that moment has the power to turn a painful comparison into an opportunity for reassurance and encouragement. 

Validate Their Feelings First 

It is important not to dismiss their observation with a phrase like, ‘Do not be silly.’ Acknowledge what they are feeling in a gentle, non-judgemental way. This simple act of validation shows them that you are taking their feelings seriously. 

• ‘I can hear that it bothers you when you notice your brother finishes more quickly.’ 

• ‘It can feel hard when you compare yourself to someone else, can it not?’ 

Shifting the Focus from Speed to Individual Strengths 

Gently remind your child that every single person has their own unique set of strengths, and that speed is only one of many qualities. 

• ‘Your sister is very quick at getting her shoes on, that is true. But you are incredibly careful and thoughtful in your work, and that is a wonderful strength to have.’ 

• ‘Being fast is just one skill. You have other strengths, like your creativity and your kindness, that are just as important.’ 

Emphasising Personal Growth Over Comparison 

Encourage them to shift their focus from comparing themselves with others to competing only with themselves. This is a powerful mindset for building resilience. 

• ‘Let us look at your progress. Last week this page took you fifteen minutes, and today you finished it in twelve. That is a huge improvement!’ 

• ‘You do not need to be the fastest person in the room; you just need to focus on improving your own skills, step by step.’ 

Modelling Respect for Differences 

It is crucial to avoid praising only the ‘faster’ sibling. Instead, make a conscious effort to highlight the unique qualities and efforts of each child, so they both feel seen and valued for who they are. 

• Child: ‘I am always so much slower than him.’ 

• Parent: ‘Yes, he is very quick, and you are very careful and thorough. Both are excellent qualities. What matters most is that you are both moving forward at your own best pace.’ 

Spiritual Insight 

Comparison is a natural human tendency, but Islam gently redirects our focus. It teaches that our true worth is found not in being ‘better’ than others, but in striving with sincerity to make the best use of the unique gifts Allah has given us. 

Effort is What Truly Matters 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al An’aam (6), Verses 165: 

‘ And He (Allah Almighty) is the One Who designated you as the successors of the Earth; and He (Allah Almighty) elevated (the responsibilities) of some of you over others, according to your station (in life), so that He (Allah Almighty) May test you with what He has bestowed upon you…’ 

This verse reminds us that the different abilities and circumstances we see among people are part of Allah’s divine plan and a test for us, not a measure of our inherent worth. 

The Prophet ﷺ on Looking to Those Below in Worldly Matters 

It is recorded in Sahih Muslim, Hadith 2963, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘Look at those who are lower than you and do not look at those who are above you, for it is more suitable that you do not belittle the favours of Allah.’ 

This profound prophetic advice teaches us a practical method for cultivating contentment: to focus on gratitude for what we have and on our own personal growth, rather than on constant upward comparison. 

By guiding your child to value their own unique progress, you are protecting them from the destructive feelings of jealousy and low self-esteem. They learn that Allah does not judge them on whether they are faster than their sibling, but on the sincerity of their effort, their patience, and their gratitude. This nurtures both resilience and contentment in their hearts.