What do I message a parent after their child hurt mine “by accident”? 

Parenting Perspective 

When another child accidentally hurts yours during play, it can be tricky to find the right balance between sincerity, calmness, and care. You want to acknowledge what happened without sounding angry or dismissive, especially if you value your relationship with the other parent. A thoughtful message can set the right tone for repair and help to build future trust, modelling emotional maturity for your own child. 

Start with Calmness and Clarity 

It is always best to wait until your own emotions have settled before writing. A message written in a state of frustration may come across as accusatory, even if that was not your intention. Begin by describing the event in a neutral and simple way. 

• ‘Hi [Name], I just wanted to let you know that [Child’s Name] and my son had a little bump today while they were playing. My son is okay, but he is a bit shaken.’ 

Keeping your tone soft and factual helps to prevent defensiveness and opens the door to a kind response. 

Use Empathetic Language 

It is helpful to assume goodwill, especially if the incident was truly accidental. Phrases like, ‘I know these things can happen,’ or ‘I just wanted to share this with you so we can keep everyone safe next time,’ signal a sense of trust and reasonableness. 

Clarify If a Response is Needed 

If there is something specific you need to address, such as a visible bruise or a rule you would like to reinforce, you can phrase it as a collaboration: ‘Would you mind reminding your son about gentle play near the slide? I will be doing the same on our side.’ This shows that your goal is prevention, not blame. 

If the Other Parent Minimises It 

Sometimes, a parent might reply with a casual, ‘Oh, children will be children!’ Instead of arguing, it is best to hold your calm: ‘I understand, yes. They do get carried away sometimes! I just wanted to make sure they both feel safe the next time they play.’ You have reaffirmed your boundary without any hostility. 

End with Grace 

Close your message warmly, even if the topic was awkward: ‘Thanks so much for understanding; I really appreciate it. I hope your little one is okay too!’ A touch of gratitude can soften the tone and help to preserve goodwill. 

Example Message 

‘Hi [Name], just a quick note. During play today, [Child’s Name] and [my child’s name] had a collision on the slide. My one is fine now but a bit sore, so I just wanted to flag it with you so we can both remind them about leaving a bit of space on their turns. I know these things happen, and hopefully next time they will remember to slow down. Thanks for understanding, and see you soon!’ 

Spiritual Insight 

Islam teaches that believers should always try to combine truth with mercy. Addressing harm in a calm way, even when it was accidental, is a form of justice tempered with gentleness a quality that is beloved by Allah Almighty. 

Justice Tempered with Gentleness 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Nahal (16), Verse 90: 

‘Indeed, Allah (Almighty) orders you to promote justice and benevolence; and to be generous towards (positively developing) those that are within your jurisdiction; and to prevent that which is immoral, acts of irrationality, and cruelty…’ 

This verse reminds us that justice includes a sense of balance; speaking up when it is needed, but always doing so with goodness and fairness. 

It is recorded in Sunan Abu Dawood, Hadith 4834, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘The believer is friendly and easy to befriend, and there is no good in one who is neither friendly nor easy to befriend.’ 

This teaches that maintaining a warm and approachable manner, even during moments of tension, is a part of our faith. Your gentle message can uphold this prophetic spirit. 

Encourage your child to say later on, ‘It was an accident, and I forgive them.’ Then, you can help them to make dua for the other child’s well-being. This helps to transform their hurt into empathy and models that forgiveness and boundaries can coexist.