What do I do when they apologise ten times for a tiny slip?

Parenting Perspective

When a child says ‘sorry’ repeatedly for a small mistake, they are not usually being dramatic; they are feeling anxious. Repeating apologies is often an attempt to manage your reaction and to scrub away their own feeling of shame. Your aim is to maintain accountability while teaching them a healthier pattern: one sincere apology, one act of repair, and one reset. This is not about lowering your standards, but about helping your child move from a state of worry to one of responsibility, so they can return to normal life.

Acknowledge the Pattern and Offer Safety

First, lower your voice, soften your facial expression, and speak slowly.

• Parent: ‘I am hearing a lot of sorries. That tells me you are worried about my reaction.’
• Child: ‘I am scared that you are upset.’
• Parent: ‘Thank you for telling me that. I am calm. We can do our apology plan together now.’

By naming their fear, you help to reduce their urge to over-apologise. A feeling of safety opens the door to learning.

Teach an ‘Apology, Repair, Reset’ Plan

You can make the steps of this plan visible on a small card and place it at your child’s height.

• Apology: Guide them to offer one clear sentence, such as, ‘I am sorry I spilled the water.’
• Repair: Ask for one age-appropriate action, like, ‘Get a cloth for the spill.’
• Reset: Finish with one short prevention step, for example, ‘Let us practise carrying the cup with two hands.’

Repeating this pattern for all small mistakes helps the brain to learn a predictable and safe exit from a feeling of shame.

Coach Them in Concise Apologies

Children often ramble when they apologise because they are seeking reassurance. You can coach them in being more concise.

• ‘I am sorry for X.’
• ‘Next time, I will do Y.’
• ‘Now, I will fix it by doing Z.’

If your child starts to apologise again, you can gently point to your card and say, ‘We have done the apology step. Now it is time to repair.’

Model Healthy Self-Repair

Let your child see you handle your own small mistakes without attacking yourself.

• Parent: ‘Oops, I have spilt some tea. I am sorry for the mess. I will get a cloth, and then it is all done.’

This shows them that grown-ups can apologise once, make a repair, and then move on.

Spiritual Insight

Islam calls us to combine sincerity with balanced action. We should own up to our mistakes and make amends with excellence (ihsan), and then we should move forward with hope. Excessive self-reproach is not a virtue, especially when it paralyses our ability to repair or when it erodes trust.

Fearing Allah Within Our Capacity

We should act with God-consciousness (taqwa) but within the bounds of our real capacity. Teaching a child to apologise once, repair what they can, and take a small step towards prevention is a reflection of this verse. We are not asked for perfection, but for a sincere effort that fits our ability, repeated with consistency.

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Taghaabun (64), Verses 16:

‘So, seek piety from Allah (Almighty) with your utmost capacity…’

The Prophetic Example of Balance

Our faith rejects extremes that can exhaust the heart. In the home, that sense of balance can look like an honest confession and a practical act of amends, followed by a return to normal life without endless self-blame. By teaching this, you are guiding your child to practise ihsan without becoming trapped in despair.

It is recorded in Sahih Bukhari, Hadith 5063, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said:

‘By Allah, I am the most fearing of Allah among you, yet I fast and I break my fast, I pray and I sleep… whoever turns away from my Sunnah is not of me.’

A brief, heartfelt reflection can help to bring it all together: after a mistake, we say a true ‘sorry’, we make it right, and we resolve to do better next time. This rhythm helps to plant a resilient sense of hope. Your child learns that Allah loves sincerity when it is joined to useful action, and that your home is a place where truth is safe, mistakes are repairable, and mercy stands beside accountability.