What do I do when my child lies because they are embarrassed about a mistake? 

Parenting Perspective 

When children lie out of embarrassment, their intention is usually not to trick you, but to protect their fragile self-esteem. They may fear looking foolish, disappointing you, or being teased by others. For example, a child might deny spilling a drink, struggling with their homework, or breaking something because admitting the truth feels humiliating. Your role as a parent is to create an environment where mistakes are safe to admit, so that honesty becomes an easier choice than hiding the truth. 

Recognise the Emotion Beneath the Lie 

To a child, the feeling of embarrassment can often feel heavier than the mistake itself. They may be thinking: ‘If I admit what I did, I will look silly or weak.’ By focusing on the underlying emotion instead of only on the act of dishonesty, you can guide them with greater empathy. 

Normalise Mistakes as Part of Learning 

Let your child know that everyone makes mistakes, including adults. You can share your own small, relatable examples to reinforce this. For instance: ‘Yesterday, I accidentally burned the food because I forgot it was in the oven. I felt a bit embarrassed, but it reminded me to set a timer next time.’ This helps them to see that making a mistake does not diminish a person’s worth. 

Respond with Gentleness, Not Shame 

Instead of asking, ‘Why did you lie about it?’, which can sound accusatory, try a gentler approach that acknowledges their feeling first. You could say: ‘I think you might have felt embarrassed, and so you said something that was not true. It is okay to feel that way, but being honest always helps us to fix things faster.’ 

Help Them to Repair the Mistake Without Fear 

When your child does admit to making a mistake, focus on finding a solution together, rather than assigning blame. 

• If they have spilt water, ask them to fetch a towel so you can clean it up together. 

• If they got an answer wrong in their homework, you can practise the problem with them step by step. 

This approach shows them that honesty leads to productive action, not to humiliation. 

Praise Their Honesty and Effort 

When your child does tell the truth, be sure to highlight the courage it took: ‘Thank you for telling me what really happened. That shows real strength. Now we can solve this problem together.’ 

Mini Dialogue Example 

Child: ‘I did not get any answers wrong on my spelling test.’ (The paper shows several mistakes). 

Parent: ‘I think you might have felt a bit embarrassed to tell me about the mistakes. It is perfectly okay; mistakes are how we all learn. I am so proud of you for trying your best, and now we can practise these words together so that next time it feels a little easier for you.’ 

Spiritual Insight 

Islam teaches that making mistakes is a natural part of being human, and that responding to our errors with honesty and humility is what leads to forgiveness and growth. Helping children to connect this truth to their own small mistakes allows them to feel safe in admitting when they have done something wrong. 

Allah Forgives Those Who Admit Their Mistakes 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Aalai Imran (3), Verse 135: 

‘And when those people who have committed immoral actions, or wronged themselves; (they should) remember Allah (Almighty), and then ask for forgiveness for their sins; and who can forgive their sins except Allah (Almighty), and do not intentionally continue to persist on what (wrong) you have done.’ 

This verse teaches us that mistakes are not the end. The path forward is to admit them, seek forgiveness, and try to do better. You can explain this to your child by saying: ‘When we admit our mistakes and feel sorry for them, Allah forgives us and helps us to do better next time.’ 

Admitting Mistakes Is a Sign of Strength 

It is recorded in Sunan Ibn Majah, Hadith 4251, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘Every son of Adam commits sin, and the best of those who commit sin are those who repent.’ 

For a child, this can be simplified: ‘Everyone makes mistakes, but the very best people are the ones who can admit it and try to do better. That is what makes Allah love them even more.’ 

This helps a child to see that being honest about their mistakes is not a shameful act, but an honourable one that connects them to Allah’s mercy and strengthens their parents’ trust. Over time, they will come to see that honesty is not a source of humiliation, but an act of courage that strengthens both their heart and their relationship with Allah.