What do I do when my child expects me to fix every rejection? 

Parenting Perspective 

When children face rejection, whether it is not being chosen for a team, being excluded from a game, or having their idea overlooked, they naturally turn to their parents for comfort. Sometimes, however, they also expect you to fix the problem: to speak to the teacher, convince the coach, or make their friends include them. While it is natural to want to protect them from pain, stepping in every time robs them of the chance to develop their own resilience and self-confidence. Your task is to balance comfort with empowerment, showing them that while you are always by their side, they also possess the strength to face these challenges. 

Acknowledge Their Feelings First 

Before you do anything else, begin with empathy. This validates their pain and shows them that you are on their side, which makes them more receptive to guidance. 

• ‘I know it must have hurt when you were not chosen.’ 

• ‘It feels really hard when you feel your effort has not been seen.’ 

Avoid the Instinct to Over-Rescue 

Resist the powerful urge to immediately intervene and solve the problem on their behalf. Instead, gently reframe your role from being their fixer to being their guide. 

• ‘I cannot always change what has happened, but I can help you find a way to handle it.’ 

• ‘I know this is difficult, and remember that this experience does not take away from your worth.’ 

Empower Them with Problem-Solving Skills 

Guide your child to think of constructive responses that are within their own control. This shows them that solutions often lie within their own actions and mindset. 

• ‘What could you say or do next time if this happens again?’ 

• ‘Is there another area you would like to practise or improve in?’ 

• ‘Who else could you play with, or what is another activity you could try?’ 

Teach Them That Struggles Build Strength 

Frame the experience of rejection not as a defeat, but as a form of training for the heart and mind. This helps them to see the development of resilience as a worthy achievement in itself. 

• ‘Each time you face a disappointment like this, you get a little bit stronger inside.’ 

• ‘Handling this yourself builds more courage than if I were to fix it for you.’ 

Be Their Safety Net, Not Their Shield 

Reassure them of your constant presence and support, but make it clear that true growth comes from their own effort. This builds their confidence without fostering dependency. 

• ‘I will always be here to listen and support you, and I believe you have what it takes to handle this.’ 

• ‘You do not have to face this feeling alone, because I am right here by your side.’ 

Spiritual Insight 

Islam teaches us to place our ultimate trust in Allah Almighty while also taking responsibility for our own actions and efforts. Just as a parent cannot shield a child from every test in life, our faith teaches us that struggles are an essential part of our growth, and that true inner strength is built upon reliance on Allah. 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Inshirah (94), Verses 5-6: 

‘Thus with (every) hardship there is facilitation (from Allah Almighty). Indeed, with (every) hardship there is facilitation (from Allah Almighty).’ 

This verse is a profound reminder that difficulties are always accompanied by relief and that our struggles are what prepare the way for ease. 

It is recorded in Sunan Ibn Majah, Hadith 79, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘Be eager for what benefits you, seek help from Allah, and do not give up. If something befalls you, do not say: “If only I had done this, it would have been like that.” Rather say: “Allah has decreed, and what He wills, He does.” For “if only” opens the door to the work of Shaytan.’ 

This hadith teaches a balanced approach. We should strive for what is good, but if things do not work out, we accept the decree of Allah with patience. It shows a child that while they should make an effort, not everything can be ‘fixed’, and there is great strength in trusting Allah’s plan. 

By sharing these teachings, you show your child that rejection is not an end point, nor is it something you can erase for them. Instead, it is an opportunity to grow stronger, to practise patience, and to learn that resilience comes from within, supported by an unshakeable faith in Allah.