What do I do when an ‘accidental’ elbow keeps happening? 

Parenting Perspective 

Repeated ‘accidental’ elbows, shoves, or nudges are often a sign that a child is testing boundaries through physical play. They may be disguising their frustration, competing for attention, or simply exploring how far they can push another person without consequence. The goal is not to jump straight to an accusation, but to calmly uncover the intent behind the action and reset physical respect as a non-negotiable rule. 

Pause and Name What You See 

Step in quickly but without anger. You could say, ‘Pause. That is the second elbow in the last five minutes. It might be an accident, but it is still hurting your brother.’ It is best to avoid loaded questions like, ‘Did you do that on purpose?’ Instead, simply describe the behaviour and its impact. This keeps the conversation factual and helps the child to reflect without feeling cornered. 

Separate and Create Physical Space 

If emotions are running high, gently separate the siblings and give each of them a small, physical reset. This could mean moving to different sides of the room or having a quiet minute on the sofa. Creating physical space can help to break impulsive cycles of behaviour. 

Encourage Ownership, Not Confession 

Once everyone is calm, approach the situation with curiosity instead of accusation: ‘What was happening in your body just before that elbow?’ or ‘Were you feeling annoyed, excited, or were you trying to get my attention?’ Children are more likely to reveal their underlying needs when they do not fear punishment. 

Practise a Simple Repair Phrase 

Guide them to make a simple but meaningful repair: ‘I hurt you, even if it was not on purpose. Are you okay?’ Practising this line helps to build a sense of accountability without shame. You can then add a prevention step: ‘Next time, I will try to take a breath or call for a pause.’ 

Coach a Better Outlet for Their Energy 

If you feel that excess energy is spilling out physically, redirect it into a structured motion, such as pushing a cushion, jumping on a trampoline, or having a timed race. You could say, ‘Your energy is very big right now. Let us find a way to use it that does not hurt anyone.’ 

Parent: ‘That looked like another elbow. Let us take a pause.’ 

Child: ‘It was an accident!’ 

Parent: ‘Perhaps it was. But it still hurt him. What was happening inside you just then?’ 

Child: ‘I got mad because he kept blocking me.’ 

Parent: ‘Thank you for telling me that. Next time, let us try using our words first, and then we can reset.’ 

Maintain Consistency 

It is important to repeat your family’s rule about physical respect often: ‘Our hands are for helping, not for harming.’ If the ‘accidents’ continue, you may need to introduce a consistent and predictable response, such as a short loss of play privileges or switching to a solo activity for a few minutes. 

Spiritual Insight 

Islam teaches that every action, no matter how small, has significance and that believers must hold themselves accountable for even minor harms. This applies to our physical interactions, where gentleness and restraint are considered marks of true faith. 

Accountability for Even Minor Harm 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Zalzalah (99), Verses 7–8: 

‘Thus, everyone’s actions equivalent to the measurement of an atom that is good shall be observed by them (on the Day of Judgment). And everyone’s actions equivalent to the measurement of an atom that is wicked shall be observed by them (on the Day of Judgment).’ 

This verse reminds us that every action, however small, carries weight. Teaching children that even ‘accidental’ elbows require reflection and repair helps to instil taqwa—a deep awareness that Allah Almighty sees both the outward act and the inward intention. 

The Believer Causes No Harm 

It is recorded in Riyadh Al Saliheen, Hadith 1555, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘A believer is not one who taunts, curses, or hurts others, nor is he indecent in speech.’ 

This hadith teaches that gentleness and self-restraint are distinguishing marks of a believer. When you guide your child to acknowledge small physical slips, apologise for them, and correct their behaviour, you are helping to shape a believer who protects others from their hand and their tongue alike.