What can my child say after calling a friend a mean name at playtime? 

Parenting Perspective 

When your child uses hurtful words during playtime and then feels regretful, it is natural for you to feel a mixture of disappointment and concern. Remember that mistakes are opportunities for growth. By teaching your child how to apologise well, you are equipping them with the lifelong skills of empathy, responsibility, and the ability to repair relationships. 

Teach Simple and Clear Apology Phrases 

Children often hesitate to apologise because they do not know what to say. You can give them simple, honest words they can use with confidence. 

• ‘I am sorry I called you that name. I will not do it again.’ 

• ‘I said something unkind, and I should not have. Can we still play together?’ 

• ‘That was a mean thing for me to say. I did not mean to hurt you.’ 

Offer Step-by-Step Support 

Instead of demanding, ‘Say sorry right now!’, which often intensifies a child’s embarrassment, you can use a gentler, more supportive approach. 

• Pause the situation: Gently pull your child aside and say, ‘That word was not kind. Let’s think about how we can make it right.’ 

• Coach the words: Offer your child one or two of the ready-made sentences. You can whisper them if needed. 

• Stand by for support: Sometimes, your physical presence gives a child courage. You can hold their hand while they apologise. 

• Acknowledge their effort: Afterwards, you can say, ‘That was very brave of you. Saying sorry helps people to feel better.’ 

Responding When Your Child Resists Speaking 

Some children can freeze up in the moment, even when they know they are in the wrong. In such cases, you can offer alternatives to a verbal apology. 

• Non-verbal gestures: A kind smile, a small drawing, or helping the friend with their toys can all be forms of apology. 

• A shared apology: You could say, ‘We are sorry for what happened,’ and allow your child to simply nod or softly echo your words. 

Model Apologies in Your Own Life 

Children learn most from what they see. If you lose your patience with your child, you can show them how you apologise: ‘It was not kind of me to raise my voice just then. I am sorry. I should have spoken more gently.’ This shows your child that apologising is a sign of strength, not weakness. 

Teach the Purpose Behind an Apology 

Help your child to understand that an apology is not just about saying certain words, but about repairing trust and making the other person feel better. You can use a mini-dialogue to illustrate this by asking them to imagine how they would feel in the other person’s shoes. 

Reinforce the Positive Outcomes 

Whenever your child apologises, try to highlight the positive result: ‘Did you see how your friend smiled again after you said you were sorry? That shows how powerful our kind words can be.’ 

Spiritual Insight 

From an Islamic perspective, our words carry great weight. A mean name may seem like a small thing to a child, but Islam teaches us that hurtful speech can wound a person’s heart. Helping your child to apologise is therefore a part of raising them with God-consciousness (taqwa) and good character. 

The Quranic Command for Good Speech 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Israa (17), Verse 53: 

‘And inform My servants that they should speak in only the politest manner (when they speak to the extremists in disbelief); indeed, Satan is (always ready for) infusing anarchy between them…’ 

This reminds us that our words can either heal or harm. By teaching your child to replace harsh words with apologies and kindness, you are guiding them towards speech that unites people, rather than divides them. 

The Prophetic Emphasis on Good Character 

It is recorded in Jami Tirmidhi, Hadith 2003, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘Nothing is heavier on the scale of deeds than good character.’ 

This teaches us that even small acts of good manners, such as apologising after we have used hurtful words, can carry immense weight in the sight of Allah. When your child says they are sorry, they are not only repairing a friendship but also building their scale of good deeds for the Hereafter. 

Islam reminds us that Allah loves our sincere efforts, even if our actions are small. Teach your child that a heartfelt, quiet apology is still valuable. What matters most is their intention to make things right. 

You can draw a parallel between apologising to other people and seeking forgiveness from Allah. Just as we turn to Him in repentance (tawbah) after we make a mistake, we must also turn to others with an apology when we have hurt them. 

By connecting this lesson to both their relationships and their faith, you can raise a child who speaks with kindness, repairs any harm with sincerity, and grows into a compassionate Muslim with a beautiful character.