What can I try when my child keeps saying “what?” to every request? 

Parenting Perspective 

Hearing ‘What?’ after every instruction can test the patience of even the calmest parent. You find yourself repeating and clarifying until frustration replaces connection. Before assuming this is disrespect, it is helpful to understand what is really behind this reflexive response. In most cases, children who habitually say ‘what?’ are not trying to irritate you; they are either buying time, not paying full attention, or struggling to process your words quickly enough. The key is to shift your communication from reactive repetition to mindful listening and gentle accountability. 

Look Beyond the Word Itself 

When your child says ‘what?’ immediately after you speak, it is often a delay tactic, a way to stall or avoid responsibility. Sometimes, it is simply an automatic response they have developed without listening first. Recognising this can help you to respond with a calm strategy instead of irritation. 

Children also process information differently when they are distracted. If they are engrossed in play, a show, or a daydream, they may only catch a part of what you say. Their ‘what?’ becomes a signal that they need help to shift their focus, not just for you to repeat yourself more loudly. 

Secure Their Attention Before You Speak 

To reduce this automatic response, always ensure you have their attention first. Avoid calling out from another room or speaking while they are in the middle of an activity. 

• Move close to them. 

• Say their name once, in a calm tone. 

• Wait for eye contact or for them to pause what they are doing. 

• Then, make your request clearly and briefly. 

This method ensures their brain is ready to receive the information. If they still say ‘what?’, do not repeat the entire instruction straight away. Instead, gently prompt their recall: ‘You heard me. Try to think about what I said.’ This small redirection trains their focus and accountability rather than rewarding their inattentiveness. 

Limit Repetition to Reinforce Listening 

To break the cycle of endless repetition, you can kindly tell your child, ‘I will only repeat this once, so please listen carefully.’ It is then important to follow through. After one repetition, you can apply a calm and natural consequence. This teaches them that listening the first time matters and that paying attention is also their responsibility. 

Strengthen Listening Skills Through Practice 

You can turn listening into a skill rather than a struggle by playing short games that build auditory focus. 

• I Spy with My Ears: Describe sounds in the environment that they must identify. 

• Clap and Copy: Clap a short, simple rhythm for them to repeat back to you. 

• Three-Step Challenge: Give a three-part instruction and see how well they can recall it. 

Fun, low-pressure listening tasks help to make attentiveness feel natural instead of forced. 

Model the Calm Communication You Expect 

If you often respond distractedly when your child speaks to you, they will likely mirror that habit. Show them what attentive listening looks like by pausing what you are doing, making eye contact, and responding thoughtfully. When they see you doing it, they will begin to value listening as a sign of respect, not a chore. 

Your child’s repeated ‘what?’ is not a wall of defiance. It is a signal to slow down the pace of your communication, bring connection back into your interactions, and choose consistency over correction. 

Spiritual Insight 

Listening is more than just hearing; it is a form of mindfulness. In Islam, the act of listening (sam‘) is repeatedly mentioned as a mark of guidance and sincerity. Training a child to listen attentively nurtures not only discipline but also a sense of spiritual presence, which is the ability to be aware, receptive, and respectful. 

Attentive Hearing in the Noble Quran 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Aa‘raaf (7), Verse 204: 

‘And when the Quran is recited, so listen to it, and pay attention to it, so that you may receive mercy (from Allah Almighty).’ 

This verse reminds us that true listening requires intention. It involves pausing, focusing, and engaging with what is being said. Teaching a child to listen properly when they are spoken to is a small-scale version of this Quranic etiquette. It helps to build their capacity for reflection and mercy, teaching them to listen not just with their ears, but with their heart and a sense of humility. 

The Prophet’s ﷺ Example of Patient Response 

It is recorded in Riyadh Al Saliheen, Hadith 705, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘Whoever believes in Allah and the Last Day, let him speak good or remain silent.’ 

This hadith teaches that meaningful speech, and by extension, attentive listening, is rooted in mindfulness. When we slow our conversations down, speak with intention, and listen with patience, our communication becomes more truthful and merciful. In the home, this reminds both parent and child that respect begins with self-control: speaking less, listening more, and responding thoughtfully. 

When your child constantly says ‘what?’, do not see it as defiance. See it as a sign that they need help to learn how to listen with presence. By ensuring you have their attention first, limiting repetition, and responding with calm steadiness, you can break the cycle of inattentiveness. 

Each time you pause instead of reacting with frustration, you are teaching them that calm awareness is more powerful than volume. Your tone sets the rhythm that your child will follow. When they learn that listening brings peace, they will begin to respond more attentively and respectfully. 

Over time, those repeated ‘what?’ moments will fade into genuine moments of understanding, not because they fear your reaction, but because they have learned the beauty of focus and the value of respect. In that, you are teaching one of the most profound lessons of Islamic parenting: that listening itself is an act of mercy towards others, towards oneself, and towards Allah Almighty, who commands us to listen with open hearts.