What can I do when one child ignores rules that the other follows? 

Parenting Perspective 

Few things can frustrate a parent more than inconsistency between siblings. One child may seem naturally compliant, while another repeatedly tests limits or ignores expectations. It is easy to fall into the trap of comparing them, or labelling one as ‘the difficult one’, but such comparisons can damage trust and fuel further resistance. The goal is not to make both children identical in their behaviour, but to help each one grow in responsibility according to their unique temperament. 

Understand the ‘Why’ Behind the Defiance 

Children rarely break rules just to cause trouble. More often, they are expressing an unmet emotional need, a sense of frustration, or a desire for control. It is helpful to ask yourself: 

• Is this child seeking attention in a way that the rule-following sibling already receives naturally? 

• Do they need clearer boundaries or more one-to-one connection? 

• Are the rules being communicated as shared family values or as imposed commands? 

By identifying the root cause, you can respond with wisdom instead of reacting impulsively. 

Focus on Individual Growth, Not Comparison 

Comparing your children, even subtly, can breed resentment. Instead of saying, ‘Your sister always listens,’ you could try, ‘I know you can make a good choice too.’ This approach separates the behaviour from the child’s identity and communicates your belief in their potential. Children thrive when discipline feels like guidance, not judgement. You can praise both children for their different strengths, showing that you value their diverse characters while still expecting the same respect for the rules. 

Set Clear Consequences Calmly and Consistently 

Rules without consistency lose their meaning. It is important to make your expectations explicit: ‘We all put our toys away before bedtime.’ Then, you can outline the consequence calmly: ‘If our toys are not put away, we will not have time for a bedtime story tonight.’ It is crucial to follow through gently but firmly. Consistency teaches a sense of fairness more powerfully than any lecture. At the same time, it is important to allow space for recovery. After a consequence has been applied, reconnect with your child. A hug or a few kind words can restore their sense of emotional safety. 

Empower the Rule-Breaker with Responsibility 

Sometimes, offering responsibility instead of a restriction can help a child to feel trusted. You might say, ‘I am putting you in charge of setting the table tonight. I know you can handle it.’ When children sense your genuine faith in them, they are more likely to rise to the expectation. This approach helps to transform a spirit of resistance into one of cooperation. 

Spiritual Insight 

When a parent is faced with unequal obedience between their children, it becomes a test of fairness, patience, and mercy, all qualities that Allah Almighty commands believers to embody. Discipline in Islam is not merely about enforcing rules; it is about cultivating taqwa (God-consciousness) and justice within the home. 

Justice as a Measure of Faith 

The Quran reminds us that fairness is not conditional on a person’s behaviour. Whether one child is obedient and the other is defiant, both deserve justice and compassion from their parents. 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Maaidah (5), Verse 8: 

‘You who are believers, become steadfast (in your devotion) to Allah (Almighty), corroborating all of that which is just; and never let your hatred of any nation prevent you from being just, – let justice prevail, as that is very close to attaining piety…’ 

Equal treatment in love and in consequences is a reflection of the principle of ihsan, or excellence in conduct. When you model this balance, your children learn that fairness is not negotiable; it is a sacred trust. 

Guiding with Prophetic Mercy 

The Prophet Muhammad ﷺ taught that mercy is the foundation of an effective and loving authority. When a parent enforces rules with gentleness rather than anger, they are mirroring this prophetic mercy. 

It is recorded in Sunan Abu Dawood, Hadith 4941, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘Be merciful to those on the earth, and the One above the heavens will be merciful to you.’ 

Correcting a child’s mistake becomes an act of compassion, not humiliation. Even when one child disobeys, responding with a measured calm and emotional warmth maintains the dignity of both the parent and the child. 

Raising children with different temperaments is a continuous balancing act. The obedient child can be a source of gratitude, while the more challenging one teaches perseverance. Both are a means of your spiritual refinement as a parent. 

By remaining firm yet kind, and consistent yet merciful, you can create a home where fairness and love coexist. Your children can begin to understand that your rules are not about control, but about care; they are boundaries that protect, guide, and nurture. In time, even the child who once ignored every rule will come to see that discipline, when it is given with love and fairness, is not a punishment, but a form of protection.