What can I do when my child stalls endlessly at lights out? 

Parenting Perspective 

When a child delays bedtime with endless requests for ‘one more story’ or ‘I need water’, the real issue is rarely defiance. It is more often a separation of anxiety, unspent energy, or a search for control at the day’s end. To change this pattern, parents must transform lights-out from an abrupt command into a predictable and calming ritual of closure. 

Establish a Predictable Bedtime Ritual 

Start by defining a clear wind-down sequence that concludes in the same way every night, leaving no room for negotiation. An example routine could be: 

• Putting on pyjamas and brushing teeth. 

• A short, shared reflection or dua. 

• One calm story or a short reading session. 

• Dimming the lights, then turning them off. 

Announce transitions gently but firmly: ‘This is the last story, then it is time for lights out’. This predictability helps to remove the space for negotiation. Once the light is off, stay for a few quiet moments, offer reassurance through a gentle touch or a short dua, and then leave the room confidently. Lingering anxiously or repeatedly re-entering the room teaches the child that stalling successfully gains more of your attention. 

Create Emotional Safety Before Sleep 

Children often resist sleep when their minds are still active or their emotions are unresolved from the day. Begin the bedtime routine at least 30 minutes before the desired sleep time to allow for proper decompression. During this period, dim the lights, avoid all screens, and speak in a softer, lower voice. 

Encourage emotional closure with a simple, reflective question such as, ‘What made you smile today?’ or ‘Is there anything you want to tell me before we rest?’. This creates a safe space for them to express themselves, reducing the subconscious need to seek connection after the lights are off. 

For children who use repeated requests as a form of reassurance, create a ‘Goodnight Plan’ together. This might include one drink, one hug, one story, and one dua, after which it is time to rest. You can write or draw this plan and refer to it calmly. Consistency is key to reducing a child’s testing of boundaries. If your child calls out again, respond once with calm consistency: ‘We have already completed our goodnight steps. I love you, and it is time to rest now’. Your tone should remain warm and steady, showing empathy without offering extra attention. Over time, this approach teaches that bedtime is a predictable, loving, and final part of the day. 

Model Calm Night-time Energy 

Children are highly perceptive and often mirror their parents’ energy. It is important to slow your own pace before bedtime. Dim the screen on your phone, move more gently, and speak softly. Replace phrases like ‘Hurry up, it is late’ with nurturing words like, ‘Let’s help our bodies get the rest they need’. 

Small sensory anchors can also signal safety and calm. This could be reciting a specific night-time dua, playing the same gentle nasheed, or using a soft nightlight. Avoid turning bedtime into a contest of wills; it should feel like a gentle landing into rest, not a battle. 

Spiritual Insight 

Islam encourages ending each day with remembrance and surrender. This involves releasing control and renewing our trust in the divine plan. Teaching children to settle into sleep calmly is a practical way to mirror this essential spiritual rhythm. 

Peaceful Endings and Trust in Allah 

The night is presented in the Quran as a form of divine mercy, designed for our renewal and rest. By helping a child settle peacefully, we honour this natural balance and frame bedtime as an act of gratitude rather than a chore. 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Furqaan (25), Verses 47: 

‘And it is He (Allah Almighty) Who has designated for you the night as a cover (for respite), and sleep for your rejuvenation; and designated the day for re-energising (the Earth with automated light energy).’ 

The Prophetic Model of Nightly Tranquillity 

The Sunnah of the Prophet Muhammad ﷺ provides a beautiful example of a mindful and soothing bedtime routine, incorporating spiritual, sensory, and repetitive elements that are ideal for children. This practice offers a model for establishing a protected and peaceful end to the day. 

The practice of the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ is recorded in Sahih Bukhari, Hadith 6312. It is narrated that before sleeping, he would: 

‘cup his hands, blow into them, recite Surah Al-Ikhlas, Al-Falaq, and An-Nas, then wipe them over his body.’ 

Parents can adapt to this Sunnah by reciting these short surahs with their children before the lights go out. The familiar rhythm of the words signals protection, brings peace, and provides a clear sense of closure to the day. 

Teaching Rest as an Act of Reliance 

Gently remind your child: ‘We can rest now because Allah protects us when we sleep’. This simple statement helps to transform the idea of bedtime from a moment of separation into an experience of security. Ending the day with dhikr and a calm presence teaches a profound, lifelong lesson: true peace is found not in stalling for more control, but in trusting Allah Almighty’s mercy and embracing His divine rhythm of rest.