What can I do when my child shouts because they lack words? 

Parenting Perspective 

A child’s shouting is often a sign of distress, not defiance. When children lack the words to describe their frustration, fear, or disappointment, their voice becomes their only outlet. The shouting itself is not the problem, but a symptom of an unmet need for expression. Your goal is not to silence the noise, but to help them find the words they are looking for. 

See the Shout as Communication 

It is easy to hear a raised voice and feel provoked, but behind every shout is an emotion, whether it is confusion, powerlessness, or fear. When you shift from reacting to the tone to listening for the message behind it, your entire approach can change. Instead of saying, ‘Do not shout!’ try responding with: 

‘You sound really upset. Let us slow down so I can understand what is happening.’ 

This reframes the shouting as a cue for support, not punishment. Your calm presence becomes the first step toward helping them regulate their feelings. 

Regulate Before You Relate 

When a child is shouting, they are in a ‘fight’ state. Their nervous system is flooded with adrenaline, and logical reasoning will not be effective. Instead, focus on regulating the environment first. Lower your own voice, take a small step back, and breathe slowly. The quieter and calmer you become, the more likely their body is to mirror your state. You might say: 

‘Let us both take one deep breath. I will be ready to listen when your voice feels ready.’ 

That deliberate pause does not ignore their behaviour; it models self-control. Children learn emotional language by borrowing your calm before they can find their own. 

Offer Words They Can Borrow 

Sometimes, shouting happens simply because a child cannot find the right words. You can help by offering them simple language to name what they might be feeling: 

• ‘It sounds like you are feeling really frustrated.’ 

• ‘Are you trying to tell me that it feels unfair?’ 

• ‘Do you feel hurt or stuck right now?’ 

Naming the emotion can bring a sense of relief, turning raw sound into meaningful language. When children feel understood, the need to shout often loses its purpose. 

Teach Expression After the Storm 

Once calm has returned, you can discuss what happened without introducing any shame. You could say, ‘I saw how big your feelings got earlier. Next time, let us try using words like, “I need help,” or “I am feeling angry.”’ If you also raised your voice, it is important to repair the moment: ‘We both got a bit loud then. Let us start over. I love you, and we can talk kindly now.’ This models accountability and shows that your love remains steady, even after a conflict. 

Spiritual Insight 

Islam teaches that the tongue is a trust (amana) and that controlling our speech during moments of anger is a mark of true strength. The holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ modelled a calm restraint even when he was provoked, showing that words, when guided by compassion, can heal rather than harm. Teaching your child to replace shouting with speech follows this prophetic tradition of beautiful character (adab). 

The Wisdom of Calm Words in the Quran 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Israa (17), Verse 53: 

‘And inform My servants that they should speak in only the politest manner (when they speak to the extremists in disbelief); indeed, Satan is (always ready for) infusing anarchy between them, as indeed, Satan is the most visible enemy for mankind.’ 

This verse reminds us that our words can either create peace or fuel conflict. In parenting, it means responding to a child’s shouting with ‘that which is best’, not by matching their volume, but by gently guiding them toward a better form of expression. When you speak kindly, even when they cannot, you are helping them to learn what goodness in speech sounds like. 

The Prophetic Response to Anger 

It is recorded in Sunan Ibn Majah, Hadith 4186, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘Whoever controls his anger when he is able to act upon it, Allah will fill his heart with contentment on the Day of Resurrection.’ 

This hadith teaches that true strength lies in self-restraint, not in reaction. When you respond to your child’s shouting with composure instead of anger, you are practising this same prophetic self-control. Over time, your calm response will become their own inner model, showing them that peace has more power than noise. 

When your child shouts, they are asking, in the only way they know how, to be understood. Meeting their volume with gentleness teaches them that your love does not rise and fall with their emotions. 

As you guide them from shouting to speaking, you are shaping both their emotional maturity and their spiritual discipline. They will learn that their feelings are not forbidden, but they must be voiced with kindness. In every moment that you choose calm over confrontation, you are reflecting a divine balance of mercy and wisdom, turning chaos into connection and teaching your child that every storm can end in stillness when hearts speak softly and truthfully.