What can I do when my child screams “me first” during every activity? 

Parenting Perspective 

When a child repeatedly shouts “me first!” at every opportunity, it can feel exhausting, turning simple moments into contests. Beneath this demanding behaviour, however, often lies a deeper need to feel noticed, important, or in control. Children who insist on being first are not necessarily selfish; they are often still learning how to share attention and trust that fairness exists even when they are not at the front of the line. 

Understand What ‘Me First’ Really Means 

Young children live in the present moment, and when they cry out to be first, it is often because they fear being forgotten or missing out. Acknowledging this emotion can help them calm down more quickly. You might respond by saying, ‘I know you are excited to start, which shows how much you want to join in. Everyone will get a turn.’ This simple validation reassures your child that their feelings are understood, reducing the need to demand attention so loudly. 

Establish a Predictable System for Turns 

A fair and predictable system gives children a sense of security. You could use a simple rotation, such as a family chart that tracks whose turn it is each day. Explain the system clearly: ‘Today, it is your turn to go first. Tomorrow, it will be your sister’s turn.’ Consistency teaches them that fairness does not depend on who shouts the loudest, but on a rule that everyone can trust. This reduces their anxiety because they know their moment will come. 

Model Calm Firmness 

When your child shouts to be first, it is important to remain calm but confident. Avoid trying to reason with them in the heat of their emotion. Instead, say gently yet firmly, ‘I cannot listen when you are shouting. Please use your calm voice, and then we can talk about whose turn it is.’ If the shouting continues, pause the activity and remind them, ‘We will begin when everyone is ready to play kindly.’ This shows them that shouting only delays the fun, rather than achieving their goal. 

Praise Patience and Kindness 

When your child manages to wait, even for a few seconds, acknowledge it warmly: ‘You waited for your turn so well. That was very kind of you.’ Positive attention for demonstrating patience strengthens their self-control far more effectively than scolding them for impatience. Gradually, they will begin to associate waiting with a sense of pride rather than frustration. 

Build Empathy Through Gentle Reflection 

Children who demand to be first often need help seeing things from the perspective of others. Use gentle conversation to guide them: ‘When you shout to go first, how do you think that makes your sister feel?’ Then, help them to notice the positive outcomes of their patience: ‘When you let her go first, she smiled. That was a very kind thing to do.’ These small reflections nurture their emotional awareness, which is the foundation of empathy. 

Use Play to Practise Patience 

Games like “Simon Says” or “Pass the Parcel” can be powerful tools for teaching self-control. Choose activities where waiting is built into the fun, and praise every successful moment of patience with enthusiasm. This helps to turn patience from a rule they must follow into a skill that feels rewarding. 

Spiritual Insight 

In Islam, self-restraint and fairness are qualities of a strong character. The home is the first place where a child learns these virtues, not through lectures, but through small, daily lessons about taking turns and showing gentleness. Teaching a child to give others a chance is not just about good manners; it is an act of moral education that is rooted in faith. 

The Quranic Command for Justice 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Nahal (16), Verse 90: 

‘Indeed, Allah (Almighty) orders you to promote justice and benevolence; and to be generous towards (positively developing) those that are within your jurisdiction; and to prevent that which is immoral, acts of irrationality, and cruelty…’ 

This verse reminds us that justice begins with small, fair acts. When we guide our children to wait their turn, we are teaching them the essence of justice: that goodness involves sharing and recognising the rights of others. A fair home becomes a reflection of divine balance. 

The Prophetic Example of Humility 

It is recorded in Sunan Ibn Majah, Hadith 4176, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘Whoever humbles himself for the sake of Allah, Allah will raise him in status.’ 

This hadith teaches that stepping back or letting someone else go first is not an act of losing, but of gaining honour in the sight of Allah Almighty. Helping your child to practise humility, even in the small act of giving up their turn, builds their inner strength. They learn that true greatness lies in kindness, not in competition. 

When your child screams to be first, it is a moment to teach self-control and empathy. Each calm and consistent response you offer lays another stone on their path toward maturity. As your child learns that waiting does not mean being forgotten, the struggle for first place will slowly transform into a quiet confidence. Through your steadiness, they will come to see that patience leads to peace, and humility brings respect.