What can I do when my child is always the one left out and starts to withdraw? 

Parenting Perspective 

Acknowledge Their Feelings 

Being consistently excluded can deeply affect a child’s self-esteem, often causing them to withdraw. The most important first step is to acknowledge their pain without dismissing it. Saying, ‘I can see that it hurts when you are not included,’ helps them to feel understood rather than blamed. Reassure them that being left out is not a reflection of their worthiness as a friend. 

Build Confidence in Safe Environments 

Look for opportunities for your child to interact in smaller, less intimidating groups. This could mean inviting one classmate over for a playdate or joining a structured club where inclusion is part of the culture. These safer social environments help them to practise their skills without a constant fear of rejection. Encouraging a hobby where they can excel will also build their confidence. 

Teach Coping and Resilience 

You can talk through practical coping strategies for when they feel left out, such as looking for another group to join or simply staying calm and finding something else to do. Praise their courage whenever they make an effort, even if it does not work out perfectly. Most importantly, ensure you are spending quality time with them, so their core sense of security comes from your love, not from their peers. 

Spiritual Insight 

True Honour Comes from Faith 

Islam teaches that a person’s true worth is determined not by their social standing or popularity, but by their faith and closeness to Allah. The Quran reminds believers that their honour comes from their belief, and they should not be disheartened by the actions of others. 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Aalai Imran (3), Verse 139: 

‘ And do not weaken (seeing the strength of the opposition), and do not grieve (for those who have passed away as martyrs); and ultimately you will prevail, if you are (true) believers.‘ 

Believers Support One Another 

The prophetic tradition describes the community of believers as a single body, where each part feels the pain of the other. This beautiful analogy teaches us that we have a duty to support and comfort one another, not to exclude or cause hurt. 

It is recorded in Sahih Muslim, 2586, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘The example of the believers in their affection, mercy, and compassion for each other is that of a body; when any limb aches, the whole body reacts with sleeplessness and fever.’ 

Finding Strength in Allah’s Love 

When you remind your child that their true value lies with Allah and that they belong to a global ummah built on mercy, you give them the strength to face exclusion without losing their self-worth. This spiritual grounding, combined with your unconditional support, can help them to heal and grow into a confident and compassionate person.