What can I do when I feel overwhelmed and resentful because I never get a break, and then I lash out at my kids? 

Parenting Perspective 

Understanding Parental Resentment 

Parental resentment develops gradually over time as a result of sleep deprivation, overstimulation, emotional labour, and the unseen pressure to fulfil everyone else’s needs but your own. Even minor requests from your child can feel like personal attack when your nervous system is overworked. You are overburdened, not failing. 

Strategies for Self-Regulation 

The secret is to step in before things get out of control. Identify your unmet needs: Is it rest, solitude, nourishment, or simply silence? Even five-minute pockets, like sipping a cup of water quietly, taking a stroll to the window, or closing your eyes for a full minute, can be healing if they are used purposefully. This is emotional risk management, not self-indulgence. 

The Importance of Repair 

If you have already struck out, make a sincere effort to make amends. Tell your child, I was tired and overwhelmed. That was not your fault. I am working on it. This exemplifies responsibility rather than guilt. Next, make minor structural adjustments: lower your voice instead of increasing it, set a timer to pause before responding, or create a visual break by going outside or holding something cool. These techniques retrain your brain to avoid reactive patterns, so they are not merely cosmetic. If you are constantly emptying your own cup, you cannot offer peace. Resentment is an indication that your internal boundaries need to be re-established, not a weakness in your love. 

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Spiritual Insight 

Even the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ sought solitude in the Cave of Hira before his mission began, time to reflect, recharge, and renew. It is recorded in Sahih Muslim, Hadith 160, that: 

“solitude became dear to him ﷺ and he used to seclude himself in the cave of Hira, where he would engage in tahannuth..“. 

If he, the most spiritually anchored, needed quiet, so do we. Allah Almighty says in the noble Quran at Surah Al Baqarah (2), Verse 286: 

“Allah (Almighty) does not place any burden on any human being except that which is within his capacity. “

But to bear it, we must replenish. Use Istighfar as a salve rather than a punishment when resentment begins to sneak in. ‘Astaghfirullah’ can first soothe your own heart. You can also offer a dua while you are exhausted, believing that people notice your weariness even when you are at your weakest. Being overburdened does not indicate a lack of gratitude; rather, it indicates a need for Rahmah. There is room for you in that mercy as well. 

Click below to discover meaningful books that nurture strong values in your child and support you on your parenting journey: