What can I do if my child starts acting out just to get me to look up from a screen? 

Parenting Perspective 

When a child starts to act out to get you to look up from a screen, it is a clear sign they are communicating a need in the only way they feel will work. The behaviour is secondary to the underlying message: ‘Please see me’. The most effective response is to address that need immediately. Pause what you are doing, give them your undivided attention for a moment, and say something like, ‘I can see you need me right now. I am listening’. This simple act can shift the dynamic from a battle of wills to a moment of connection. 

Prevent Attention-Starved Moments 

To reduce this behaviour, try to prevent moments of ‘attention starvation’. Create small, predictable pockets of time in your day where your child knows they have your complete focus, with no screens or multitasking involved. This does not need to be long; ten minutes of dedicated connection after school or just before bed can be enough. When children feel secure that their time with you is guaranteed, they are less likely to feel the need to fight for it. 

Balance Boundaries with Responsiveness 

When your screen use is necessary, it is important to balance your boundaries with responsiveness. Communicate clearly and simply: ‘I need five more minutes to finish this important message, and then I will be all yours’. The crucial part is to then follow through promptly. This consistency teaches your child that your word is reliable and that they do not need to resort to disruptive behaviour to win back your focus. 

Spiritual Insight 

Islamic teachings remind us of the importance of making emotional space for others and responding to our children’s needs with mercy. 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Mujadilah (58), Verse 11: 

‘O you who are believers, when it is said to you: “Make space for each other in the gatherings”, then try to accommodate each other; (and conversely) Allah (Almighty) shall accommodate you (with His mercy)…’ 

This verse teaches the importance of actively creating space for others. In our homes, this means putting aside our own distractions to make emotional space for our children, ensuring they feel seen, valued, and acknowledged. 

It is recorded in Jami Tirmidhi, Hadith 1919, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘He is not one of us who does not show mercy to our young and respect to our elders.’ 

Responding to a child’s bid for attention even a disruptive one with patience is a profound act of mercy. It shows them respect and reassures them that they are loved, and that they do not need to resort to negative behaviour to feel it.